Divorce is not an easy button; it should not be thought of as something you do lightly. If you are divorced, chances are it took years and months of agonizing to get to that decision. I feel strongly that divorce although a difficult time to navigate, can put you in a place in life to really create the life you have always wanted to live. At the very least why waste a second chance of happiness, when there are so many reasons that this really can be your best life yet.
- You are more mature- Youth is wasted on the young, we are often lacking in common sense and have little relationship experience. What we think makes for a good life, or life partner in our 20’s is based much more on romcom movie expectations than reality. We are often pushed into careers, degrees and partners, then making conscious decisions on what would make us happy or suit us long term. Maturity brings with you a few more wrinkles, but the ability to know your self more as a person, the wisdom that only comes from years of being in a situation that maybe didn’t fill your needs. We are much more able to recognize what we are passionate about, and understand that life is a complex journey, that we can have large influence on the direction we take it in for our own happiness.
- You have fewer reasons to choose a partner- In your younger years, we often are attracted to people, or drawn to people for things that long term may not be in our best interest. Maybe we like the bad girls or boys as we see them exciting and fun, when decades later you are lamenting their partying ways while you just really want someone who asks, “how was your day?” and makes time for their family. Perhaps you are one of the many men and women who found themselves in emotionally abusive relationships, or understand they inadvertently married a narcissist or worse. Your past although troubling actually equips you with a superpower ability to recognize these unhealthy individuals sooner. If you learn to not repeat your patterns, your next relationship has the ability to be based on core values, compatibility, friendship and love. We no longer usually need to look for a partner based on need or fear of being the only single person, we can take our time, have fun and really wait to find and create a life with someone who is truly worth our time. A relationship based on “wanting” but not “needing” someone is always a healthy long-term union.
- You get to go, do and explore anything you want-How many times as a married person did you not get to do what you want? Daily probably, oddly married couples have very little me time, or space to pursue things they feel passionate about. These hobbies, passions and pastimes are often pushed to the back burner. Divorce gives you the opportunity to reconnect with things your heart’s desire. A life lived pursuing and engaging in what you love, is a great life.
- You have a great probably already done the baby thing-children are great, but they are the ultimate workload, having more time for yourself can be a positive thing. The happier you are in your self the better parent you can be, when you learn to use time away from your children to recharge you become a better parent and you and your children win.
- You can change, reeducate or pivot work-work is the biggest percentage of your time per week, so it makes sense to make sure you are doing something you enjoy, and feel good about. When we are forced to accept so many changes that come to us through divorce, it makes you less fearful of change and more likely to take on other changes in life including in your work life. Maybe now is the time to apply for a new job, pivot your business, start a company, take up a side hustle, write a book or do anything else that brings you joy.
- You get to create a very unique bond with your children-divorced parents often can create new memories, traditions and deeper relationships with their children. Sharing child custody can be the biggest struggle of all during divorce, but once you embrace your new life and understand that this too can be a positive situation thing get easier. You can spend real quality time 1-1 with each child, you can see them as individuals and create a bond that is unique during your one on one time with your children.
- You get to create memories with your family and friends-how much time did you have to spend time with your friends and family during your marriage? Did your spouse like your family, or try to isolate you from them? If you were lucky you did see your family a lot, but more than likely weekend and weeknights were dedicated to spending time with your immediate family unit. It is a great thing as our parents age to get to spend more quality time with them, even a lunch here and there or a movie at the weekend can really be a wonderful thing for you all. Relationships with friends too can bring much joy, and as many of you know often friendships outlast spouses so it is good to makes sure you keep those people in your life.
When you focus on what you have gained through your divorce vs focusing on what you have lost, life gets better quicker. I encourage you all to create a list of the positive things and opportunities you have moving forward as a divorcee. The world is your stage it is up to you to create the best show you can from it.
Tiffany Ann Beverlin