Which stage are you in?

The first stage of divorce for women is DENIAL. This can’t be happening to me. I’m going to wake up and find out it was all a bad dream. But it IS real. And it IS happening to you. So what are you going to do about it? Remain in denial? Bury your head in the sand?

Before long DEPRESSION can set in. This is the second stage of divorce; the why-me stage. It’s the everyone-else-has-a-great-marriage stage. It’s when reality sets in and the realization that he’s going on with his life – without you, and perhaps with his new girlfriend, that everything in your life has changed – mostly for the worst.

But be careful not to wallow in depression. Turn it around and make this an opportunity to create a new lifestyle. You have work to do: You have to find a job, or a better paying job. You have kids to raise, homework to check, carpools to soccer practice and music lessons.

That’s when the third stage begins – ANGER. Resentment. All those negative feelings rise to the surface. Don’t linger too long in this stage or you will turn into one very bitter woman. And don’t bury the anger or it will eat at you. Get rid of that wedding dress and that awful gift from his aunt. Take some positive steps… and move on to the next stage – RESOLUTION.

What are you going to do about your new role in life – single woman? Think about it. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Sit at home moaning about the raw deal you got? Now is the time to set new goals. Find a purpose in life, not just going to a job five days a week and coming home to watch television with a TV dinner on your lap. Recreate yourself. Change your hairstyle. Take on a project: paint a room a bold color – start jogging or walk two miles every day. Start journaling. Too busy? Get up an hour earlier. That’s right. You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish just doing that. Find a hobby. Always wanted to learn how to knit? Create a colorful scarf. Always wanted to volunteer at a food bank? Do it! Whatever it is…take one small step today.

This brings you to the final stage of divorce – RECOVERY. If you wallow in anger or depression, you never reach this stage. You’ll be stuck in it the rest of your life and become a rather pitiful soul. But if you’re looking for pity, there are plenty of women in your position. You are not unique. There are no pity parties for you on anyone’s agenda. Instead, show them how you can make the best of a difficult situation. You can do it. Tape a note to your bathroom mirror: I CAN DO IT! I CAN MAKE IT! I AM SPECIAL!


GO GIRL! And let us know how you’re doing.

Marilyn Frazer

Author of “The Relationship Trap”



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