Divorce isn’t something we think could happen to us, when it does, we often feel overwhelmed and uncertain of the future. Listening to thousands of divorcees stories over the years has taught me that heartache and fear of change are an equal opportunity destroyer, but divorce doesn’t have to be all negative, there are a lot of positives to hold on to after divorce.
Here are my 20 tips to help you divorce healthier!
- Understand that we are all human, people make poor choices, we grow apart or have other issues that lead to the demise of our marriages. This doesn’t make you anything but human, when you understand this-life gets easier.
- For everything you have lost during divorce I guarantee you, you have gained much more, whether in opportunities, freedom or potential happiness, life has so much to offer.
- Let go of your physical and emotional baggage, this could be in the form of selling your ring, or in letting an ex go. It gets very heavy to carry baggage through to your new life.
- Try new activities, chances are you were stuck in a rut in your marriage, now is the time to ride a bull, climb a mountain or start painting, there is something very liberating about divorce and you should harness this to your best ability.
- Say “YES” (ok maybe not to everything and everyone) but saying yes and being open to new opportunities can lead you to the place or person of your dreams.
- Date, yes you may not be ready to find a new spouse and that’s ok but getting off your sofa and meeting new people is not only fun, it allows you to kind of window shop for when you are ready for a new relationship.
- Make new divorced friends, because no one understands or can support you more than other divorcees. There is a good chance you may have lost some friends during your divorce; this is great they weren’t true friends anyway. Using this opportunity to connect with other divorces, can support you, educate you on what is to come and be a source of socialization to get you out in the real world again.
- Travel, now is the time to have your “Eat, Pray Love” moment, I travelled to Hong Kong alone on a whim, and I have to say just having the courage to navigate and see the world alone was a huge eye opener and confidence builder. If you can learn to enjoy your own company, you are in really good place moving forward, travelling can even be as simple as a road trip to a new city, the world is full of interesting things to see and do.
- Be civil to your ex, disengaging and refusing to engage in negative behaviors with your ex, is a win for you, and the best way to a healthy new life.
- Create new traditions for all holidays, nothing is as dismal as being aware of the loss of a spouse- as a holiday gathering or tradition. Now is the time to start new ones, with or without children, it’s exciting and liberating to create your holidays anyway you wish.
- Celebrate the time you spend with your children, we get hung up on having time with our children taken away from us, the truth though is that study after study shows that it is the quality of time spent, not the quantity that counts. Use your time with your children to really connect and bond with them. I see a lot of times both parents go on to have stronger bonds with their children from doing this.
- Learn to enjoy and embrace “Me Time”, self-love often goes out the window in a marriage, so we really need to fully love ourselves again before we allow anyone else to love us. Me time can be as simple as nice hot bath or as eleborate as a weekend yoga retreat, the key is focusing on treating your self kindly.
- Reclaim your space, divorce is expensive but reclaiming your space can be as simple as buying new sheets, changing out hanging pictures or switching throw pillows. In marriage, a home is often decorated in compromise, now is the time to put your stamp on it.
- Reassess your style and look, did you dress and fix your hair a certain way because your ex-spouse liked it? If you did now is the time to cultivate a new style, a style and look that is all you, after all there is nothing as attractive as a person who is authentically their selves.
- Switch scents, they say smell is the number one factor in recalling memories, why be constantly reminded of your past life or ex from your cologne or perfume. A new scent can help signify a new you.
- Use this time to work on self-improvement whether in career, education or simple mindset, right now your mind is open, alert and ready to be the best possible version of you.
- Health, health isn’t so much about how you look as how you feel, the healthier we feel physically the better we are to take on your new life. Health also signifies how we feel about ourselves, the better you feel about yourself the kinder you treat your body and soul.
- Forgive your ex, yourself and anyone else who may feel let you down during your divorce, moving on with resentment or anger is detrimental to your health. Remember forgiveness is far more about freeing your mind than letting your ex off the hook.
- Build better bonds with those around you, often marriages especially at the end are so draining it is hard for us to really cultivate or appreciate those around us who do really care about us and love us. You will never regret spending time with those loved ones so do far more of that.
- Be brave enough to dream big, did your marriage keep your dreams on the back burner? If so, now is absolutely the time to dream big, to create a life, a business or relationship that is in dream terms huge. I am a strong believer that it takes as much effort to dream small as to dream big, so big it is.
Tiffany Ann Beverlin