Your marriage is over, you are separated or divorced, and you would think the last place you would find sexual pleasure would be with the very spouse who you just left. Yet I hear from DreamsRecycled users this is often the case. I have even often heard people who actually marry a new spouse, and still can’t quite give up the ex-spouse fully sexually either.

When you have been with a spouse for 5-10-20 years, everything about them becomes ultra-familiar good, bad and otherwise, you are well aware of how messy they are, and how annoyingly they react to certain things, you are also though after years of trial and error probably pretty aware how each like to give and receive pleasure sexually. It seems safe, familiar, guaranteed results, you won’t have to troll dating apps, or risk rejection or poor sexual outcome. Perhaps purely from a practical stand point it may make sense, maybe you aren’t ready to have sex with a new person after decade with the same one, so if you like sex, sex with the ex, seems permissible.

Divorce usually has one of the spouse not quite so out of love, as the other one has fallen, the ex who still harbors an emotional attachment may be hoping somehow against all odds this will rekindle the romance and love, it won’t. If you have made it all the way through divorce and are still having sex, the sex part won’t fix anything, all it will be is one partner sexually being satisfied, while the other is emotionally being further hurt and manipulated. Which brings us to sex with the ex during divorce, this activity is mostly about manipulations and negotiations. If you are trying to sweeten the pot, get a large settlement, or more custody -sex will be used as a weapon to get what you want from the other spouse. It keeps a certain emotional bond between the the two spouses, therefor making them easier to take advantage of in court. A women once told me she performed oral sex on her soon to be ex-husband almost daily, until the settlement agreement was signed. Another man explained that he continued to have sex with ex because even though he had moved on to another women, he wasn’t ready for his ex-wife to sexually be with another man, which brings us to another reasons it’s a horrible idea, ownership.

Just as after a divorce spouses can be reluctant to let go of their other marital possessions, i.e., rings, dresses, china, houses, people often inherently believe their ex-spouse to be a kind of possession of theirs, the mother or father of their kids, their wife ,their husband, it’s a giant leap going from being a “we” to an “I” and people just can’t quite even after divorce let go of their spouse in a healthy way. They want out of the marriage but want to still “own” somehow the ex. Sex with them ticks a lot of these unhealthy boxes and makes them feel still in possession of their ex. My personal most despised thing I hear from men about this, involves the idea that as they still even after a divorce have to often pay for their ex alimony, then why can’t they continue to have sex with them, women who live in fear of having alimony cut off will even sometimes go along with this just for security and a guaranteed check. This is a horrible idea for both, a man has to understand that alimony isn’t ownership, and a women has to have more self-worth and independence than to think her only option is sex with an ex, to keep the status quo.

By far the biggest over all issue is that continuing to have sex with the ex-really is like revisiting the scene of the crime, nothing good will come from it, and all you are doing is complicating and prolonging the healing process after a divorce. By far the best way to heal and move on, is to let go of everything associated with your marriage. including your exes body parts. Focus all your energy into finding yourself, making new dreams and goals and accepting that your ex is your past and you alone, are your future, and remember self-pleasure is the safest sex you can have emotionally or physically!


Tiffany Beverlin




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