Often without even realizing it we go through life keeping tallies in our head, of who wronged who, who lied to who, who hurt who. During a relationship even a resentment can build up over the smallest differential in out head counts on wrongs by each party.Can be very small things like who emptied the dishwasher, who made the bed, who was caught texting an ex Happy Birthday, all the way to much more serious relationship infractions like cheating either physically or emotionally. Name calling, being absent for life’s big events, forgetting anniversaries, being given a horrible gift, all infractions on a relationship score card.
Divorce is often caused by a build up of these infractions, the one person taking and taking and pushing everything to the limit while the other person is left reeling at every event that causes pain and their score against the person to grow. Believe me when I say the majority of people do have a limit, eventually they grow disillusioned, give up or just one day vanish from that marriage either emotionally or literally. I personally have had my fair share of infractions inflicted by others, sometimes I allowed the score card to build to unhealthy levels before I left. Occasionally I thought the score card was blank then discovered something that made it instantly filled and left. Most recently though I did something that I have never done before and actually threw away the notion of tallies and score cards. Something happened that made me realize that for the most part, we are just all flawed, we go through life trying the best we can to be happy, we are egotistical, crave attention and at times our judgment can be flawed. The other side of this though is that we all make mistakes really good, amazing people screw up. People who often don’t think through the consequences of their actions, but who at the very deepest part of their heart, do truly love us, do never want to lose or hurt us and who deserve a second chance to erase some of the tallies.
I think you can really tell when people say sorry if they mean it, if they back it up with actions, plans and heartfelt promises this is a good sign. Let them show you they are sorry, let them prove once again their love for you, but while and during this process you need to forgive. Mostly for yourself, for that calm peace that comes along with letting it go. Be cautious, but definitely totally forgive, it will feel joyous, life is short, the times we really actually get to fall in love are few, we owe ourselves and our spouses, partners, lovers the chance to show you they have changed. For them but also for us, because if in the process you lose the love of your life over a texting infraction, who wins from that? No one. So let the little things go, obviously I am not advocating being lied to cheated on and abused etc, but what I am saying is unless it’s a relationship/marriage deal breaker for you, just brush it off, move forward in good faith. Choose as I do to love someone unconditionally, let love breed more love, because the tally card only breeds mistrust and heart ache. Use the experience to pat both your selves on the back for having a strong enough relationship and communication skills to let it go. Have awesome make up sex, got to love that, focus on making new memories with this person, and most importantly be happy with the one you love, maybe they are not as replaceable as you may think.
CEO Founder DreamsRecycled.com