“Finally Over Him: How Heartbreak Taught Me to Truly Love Again”
Are you still in love with someone from your past and just can’t seem to open your heart to anyone else?
I intimately understand what it feels like to be in love with a man from the past and the pain of not being chosen by him when all I wanted was to just be with him. I distinctly remember driving home after first dates with other amazing men and all I could think of was “him”. I imagined what he was doing on Friday night. I really wanted to be with him but I wasn’t. I look back on that now and realize that I was “trying” to date over my heartbreak yet all I wanted was to be in his arms and on his mind. Instead, I cried myself to sleep countless nights with him on my mind and in my heart. It’s no surprise that my dating life seemed to be going nowhere. I was clearly not as emotionally available as much as I was trying to make it appear that I was ready for another relationship and that I had moved on. But, I hadn’t moved on nor did I really intend to give up on him coming back around. Why? Because he always did until he didn’t. Here’s the story of the lessons learned and how I found true love again after heartbreak.
For two years, I was in love with a man who loved me in his own way but was not truly in love with me.
To be honest, I was in love with him and desired to spend time with him to build a lasting relationship. However, we never seemed to get very far in developing a relationship so our pattern became one in which we circled back around every few months to see each other. My heart wanted so much more yet I knew he could’t foresee a lasting relationship the way that I could. Knowing that alone was incredibly painful but I continued to fall deeper in love with him. Our time together was was passionate, intense, and deeply fulfilling.
Once I shared that I was in love with him (and he wasn’t with me), the dynamics changed and our time together made me even more hungry for more of him and for a commitment. Yet, that’s not at all what I received. For over a year, we did the dance of seeing each other every few months which left me wanting more of him in every way when I knew in my mind he would never give me the commitment I deeply desired from him. And, still, my love for him could bring me to my knees in tears.
I never gave up… Until, he did. In the end, he didn’t choose me.
Even when I knew he could’t give me what I deeply desired, I never gave up. Until he did. The day came when I received a message that he had proposed to another woman. I was crushed. I was devastated. As if the rejection and heartbreak over the two years wasn’t enough, this news was crippling. It was unexpected. Yet, it happened…he didn’t choose me and he never will. To be honest, he never would have.
Being the woman not chosen seemed to be a pattern that was repeating in every area of my life and in my relationships. This reality was a painful realization. Yet, when this chapter came to an unexpected ending, in some way I was finally set free. Without him in my life, I could begin healing my broken heart. Without the possibility of seeing him again, I could get back to a place where I was more emotionally available to the single men I dated so I could fall open my heart up to truly loving again.
Please don’t think that just because I’m a coach that I was immune to the experiences of rejection, loss, pain, and devastating heartbreak. I am not.
I resisted the healing even when I knew it‘s what I needed the very most and even made excuses to my own coach about why I hadn’t taken on the healing I needed (and deserved) so that I could finally close this chapter of my love life. Eventually, I faced my own pain and my role in the heartbreak I was enduring and had endured for far too long. I leaned on my coach for support along the way as I learned how to begin to set myself free from the pain, hurt, self-blame, shame, embarrassment, loss, and utter brokenness.
I believed I could create healing in this area of my life and so I listened carefully to what tools I was given in this process. I deeply desired to be able to fully love again. And, I wanted acceptance of the facts as they were that I would never again share moments of passion, love, and deep intimacy with “him” ever again. But, I had to face the truth about him and about me. I had to clean up my side of the road and take responsibility for my insecurities and my hopeless desires for him to love me back. My coach recommended that I write three letters that nobody but me would ever read. They were letters detailing our relationship which gave me a chance to say all of the things I never said to anyone before, even to him. To put every emotion on paper that I experienced was both incredibly saddening and yet oddly freeing. To acknowledge my role in this unhealthy cycle was an important first step in my healing. To look back at what was and what is true today was the second step. To discover the patterns that were destructive yet intoxicating to both of us was the hardest lesson to face yet it came with so much wisdom. To understand how to not repeat this same mistake again was the greatest lesson learned and one I now share openly. And, to really take a look at the woman I was in that relationship and the woman I am today gave me the confidence I needed to finally close this chapter of my love story.
So, I decided to face the facts of the loss and ending of one love story even when I couldn’t yet see what miracles were on the other side of healing my own heartbreak.
I won’t lie and tell you I was ready for healing the next week or even the next month. But, when I realized how much this heartbreak was impacting every area of my life, including my business as a coach, I craved freedom from the pain I was facing every single day. The tears every night. The sense of my heart racing when I spoke his name and the struggle to hide the tears that ran down my face. The loneliness in my soul for what would never be. What I wouldn’t have with him despite the years of wanting so much more.
For far too long, all I could see was the pain and the loss yet I knew deep within my soul that I was deserving of so much more. On the other side of this heartbreak was a beautiful awakening. For the first time in years, I was able to have a first date being fully open and available to creating a deeper connection. I felt free to love again. I felt free to explore new relationships. And, I stopped comparing him to every man I met. Dating felt alive again and full of so much potential. I was happy and ready to finally let go of being the one that wasn’t chosen. I stopped asking all of the why questions for why I wasn’t enough for him and began focusing on how I deserved to be loved, cherished, adored, and respected.
I asked for, prayed for, and prepared to receive miracles of love this year. And, I am filled with deep gratitude.
I fully acknowledged the ending of the relationship with “him” and made a commitment to heal the heartbreak and pain of not being enough to be chosen. So, I made a conscious choice to believe I was worthy and deserving of remarkable love. I dedicated myself to healing my broken heart. I even declared 2019 as the year of love in my business and in my life. I boldly declared that I would attract the love of my life this year and that my heart was ready. I prayed and asked for guidance. I shared with my friends that I was ready to attract my soulmate. That I was ready to fully love again and to be deeply loved in return. That the love and loss I experienced was all part of my love story. That I understood how to find lasting love, cultivate deep trust, and create the foundation of a lasting relationship. And, that I was ready to be claimed and chosen by my forever love.
And, when I fully allowed my heart to open back up to love again, I experienced what I can only describe as a miracle of love in my life. As I write this blog, I am so filled with love in my life and in my heart. The man I prayed for, prepared for, and the miracle I believed in is now who I call my soulmate and the love of my life. And, this journey of creating a life together is only the beginning of what will be the most epic love story I’ve ever told.
Sometimes, the only word I can find is grateful. I am so grateful to be loved by the most remarkable man I’ve ever known. I am grateful to share my love and my life with him. I am blessed beyond words. And, I am grateful for the heartbreak I experienced because without it, I wouldn’t have been so determined to heal my heart and create space for miracles of love to flow in me and through me.
My love story has certainly been full of plenty of loss and pain and yet still abundantly full of love. And, he knows my story. All of it. My love story is one I will never hide from you, him, or anyone else. It makes me the coach I am, the partner I am, and the lover I am. It helps me teach my clients how to heal from heartbreak and create truly remarkable relationships in their own lives.
In the end, whether you choose to heal your heart so you can fully love and trust again is a choice you get to make. Nobody can take that away from you. You can believe you are worthy and deserving of remarkable love. You can learn to let down your guard and open your heart. To learn how to use courtship to find forever love. To learn how to connect deeper, communicate better, and create a truly committed relationship. To open yourself up to healing your broken heart so you can find the kind of forever love you desire deep within your soul. This is my story. Are you ready to change yours? If you are, I encourage you to book a private call with me to talk about healing your own heart and finding your forever love.
XOXO, Laura Lee Wood- Certified Dating Expert (www.LauraLeeWood.com)