Divorce brings with it a plethora of baggage, we can pretend we are unscathed, but when you are thrown back into the dating pool it becomes very clear very quickly the scars we bring with us to new relationships. I know for me personally especially when I first started dating I was constantly on the look out for any kind of red flags and any personality traits that reminded me of my ex so I could run from ever getting in that situation again. Besides these regular reservations about people I also was wrongly bringing with me some judgement of certain people that I now clearly see I shouldn’t have been. I discussed these with numerous male and female friends of mine and they too reinforced these myths about dating certain type of person.
1.Dating people with no children.
As a parent I really only wanted to date other parents I just felt that only a parent would tolerate or understand my schedule and time restraints. The reality is though I have dating parents who had no consideration for my schedule only their own, I have also dated non fathers who are very very tolerate of my childrens schedule, so I now no longer thing this is true, I think it’s much more a personality type where you are considerate and compromising or you aren’t. As far as parenting skills I think a large percentage of parents like me don’t really want a new “parent” for our children we want a partner who is a good role model for our children, who treats us well and makes us happy because happy parents make happy children.
2.Dating people who have never been married.
My divorced girlfriends/guyfriends unanimously think this a red flag, if you find a 40-55 yr old person who never was married. I have to say I think this is what I thought too, but the more I have thought about it the stranger it is to judge people who perhaps are more sensible, who didn’t marry for the wrong reasons, because lets face it a lot of those people who married and divorced know they should never have married that person.I also somewhat selfishly can see the benefits of dating or marrying someone with not exes no children, there is definitely less to deal with schedule wise and emotionally blending families.I also perhaps on romantic level think that maybe these people are truly holding out for the one.. and it has taken a while, so there is nothing wrong with that, and if you get to be that one would probably mean a lot more.
3.Tattoos.
I think the antiquated notion is that if you have tattoos you can’t be successful or educated or have a real career obviously nowadays this isn’t true, I know CEO’s Doctors, Lawyers and kinds of well educated people who choose to express themselves this way. I say more power too them, I find all kinds of creative expression interesting so even though I am far too chicken to ever get a tattoo I see the artistic nature of them. It also kind of falls under the skin deep theory we should all really be judging people on their insides not outsides i think anyway.
4.Too Good Looking.
Have you ever dated a model? Someone just annoyingly genetically blessed? I have and I didn’t really want to it actually took him a long time to persuade me to even go out with him. Firstly I presumed he wouldn’t be very smart, which he actually was, secondly I presumed he must be a total player, because I in his presence was always aware of women and men looking at him, subtly flirting with him whether a waitress or bartender I had no doubt he would have a lot of options and be often hit on propositioned.I really struggled with this while we dated, What I did learn from dating this man though is that that you shouldn’t judge a book from its cover, he was sweet, kind, smart and faithful, just because people are attractive doesn’t equate to how untrustworthy they are.
5. Shirtless Bathroom Selfies.
No this is true, do not date these people, run far far away. If you are super fit have great body and would like to include a candid beach photo this is acceptable but bathroom flexing photo, especially the kind with only the bathroom counter covering your bits, should be grounds for not dating.. sorry but it’s true..ha!
The best way to date after a divorce is to keep an open mind, let time prove the character of the person one way or the other. Feel free to run at the first sign of true colors that aren’t acceptable to you, and remember you are the author of your own book, make it all it can be and drive it in a way that leads hopefully to a happy ever after ending!
Tiffany Beverlin
CEO
DreamsRecycled.com
tiffany@dreamsrecycled.com
.png)
