Please join me in welcoming Billy Farr to our Dreamsrecycled community. We are excited to have him guide us in our quest for happiness. Billy is author of “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships“. He is also a wellness coach, former kick boxing champion, professional Argentine Tango dancer and instructor of martial arts and meditation. (Wow!) He spends his time travelling the world teaching the principles of his book along with wellness to help people unite body, mind and spirit so they can find fulfillment and happiness. This is the first of his guest blogs.
In all relationships there exist two personality types based on the Taoist philosophy of the Yin-Yang. The types are based on one person being the initiator for the relationship and the other supporting that. Great relationships, flow with each partner moving in and out of each type naturally. Which type you are is determined by where you spend the majority of your time in the relationship.
The importance of knowing your type, and the characteristics, is in understanding what you offer to a relationship as well as what you should look for from others. This allows partners in a relationship to complement one another, rather than compete. Knowing your type will also show you why you become anxious, and when you are not acting within your nature and why.
Typically, the initiator of the relationship offers follow through, care or protection, and responsibility, while the Supporter offers creativity and support to the relationship. As mentioned, we all offer both, but just like being right or left handed we favor one.
There are many different combinations of personality types because both categories have healthy and unhealthy subcategories and this explains why certain relationships just are doomed from the start. For single people, my book, “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships,” shows how to identify and choose the right type for their personality type. This will allow people a head start in the challenges that face a relationship. Couples can identify how to improve their relationship by having awareness of how they match up with one another.
With regard to post-divorce and moving on, different types take separations and arguments very differently. The type in my book known as “Support” tend to take separation or divorce harder because they are supporting the broken relationship, as opposed to the vision of what they want for a more harmonious relationship in their future. “Blind Supports,” the unhealthy version of a Support, take it even worse because they imagine they lost the fantasy of their “perfect” mate. This is another reason why this type builds a lot of resentment because they expect more than their partner is capable of offering. Their resentment also comes from allowing the mistreatment Blind Supports typically accept. Their solution for this is to learn to say no to people as well as learn to request what they want instead of giving into their fear of conflict.
I have counseled many people going through separation, and the people who have the most difficult time moving on are those who have dependency based on fear of abandonment, often a strong quality of a “Blind Support.” If a person defines themselves as part of relationship rather than on their individuality, they feel lost after separating. This can happen when a person immerses themselves in the life of someone else too soon in a relationship. Even if this has happened after the separation, a new vision needs to be created for themselves without the partner they split from. This is why it is important to have a conscious awareness of who you are dating before a serious commitment starts. If you are not accustomed to dating the right people then understanding healthy and unhealthy types in my book will be helpful to prevent repeating the pattern as so many people do.
It is also important to know that when you understand these types, you can move on from a improperly matched relationship with an unhealthy partner with little or no scar tissue and allow yourself to find the partner you will have contentment and harmony with.
Moving forward any therapist will tell you the fastest way to improve your relationship is by improving yourself. Knowing your type and the characteristics of each will help with this.
The most important aspects to know about yourself to find contentment are:
1. Knowing your nature versus your neurosis, and the difference between them. When you are in your neurosis often it is because you are spending time outside of your natural type based on fear, self-protection, insecurity, or ego. A simple example amongst our types are, if you are supporting when you would prefer to initiate, you will be unsatisfied and vise-versa. This is a cause for resentment or anxiety in any relationship.
2. The ability to express your nature. You want to surround yourself with people that allow this, and also inspire it. Dismantle your fears and insecurities and allow yourself the confidence to express who you are naturally. If you prefer to create and support others following through on your ideas, then do this. If you prefer to lead and initiate, you should be expressed in these areas.
3. Finding people whose nature complements yours, rather then competes with yours. Be mindful to look for a person who naturally receives what is natural for you to provide and vice versa. Initiators can learn from other initiators, but spending too much time with them will make them competitive. Same with supporters.
4. The ability to receive the nature of people who complements yours. It takes a certain confidence and trust to allow others to support or take care of you.
If a relationship lacks substance it is often because the partners are not connecting on a level of complementing nature or personality types. Knowing and understanding these types will allow you to do what is required to find harmony even between competing types. You can learn more about the book, “The Power of Personality Types in Love and Relationships,” including a free questionnaire to discover your type, and many ways to improve your life and your relationship at www.TheArtofUnity.com or watch my book trailer here.