I have a confession to make, I used to be the worlds worst dater, I had a check of 483 boxes in my head every person I thought had to fill. Even worse a lot of of those check list items began with “Can’t be”. The Can’t be list was made up of all the things that drove me crazy in any ex I ever had previously. I during my divorce and separation had built a super human ideal man in my head. A man I actually now realize doesn’t exist A unicorn my friends and I call him. Someone a particular age, living in a particular place, who had a lifestyle that I deemed perfect, someone who had limited preferable no baggage , over 6ft, definitely blue eyed, high intelligence, same sense of humor, someone who would love everything I loved, would hate sports like I do, love fashion, be honest, loyal, trustworthy and a man of his word, want to travel everywhere and love just spending time with me. The funny thing is this list doesn’t seem that ridiculous a thing to ask really but from my extensive dating experience I can tell you categorically this man doesn’t exist.
One of the many reasons he doesn’t exist is because let’s face it everyone has baggage it doesn’t always come in dramatic forms like multiply baby mommas, and alcoholic abusive ex forms, sometimes it’s baggage you can’t really see at first, an unhappy childhood, a medical condition at first not revealed, a family secret, a criminal past but there is for the most part always baggage. The other reason this list doesn’t make sense and you should all immediately throw these away is that people aren’t check box able. We are complex beings we think, feel,speak, express ourselves connect with each other in so many ways that eye color, job, vicinity is actually for the most part superfluous. I connected instantly with some one who fits hardly any of those boxes and has more baggage than a 777, life just happens. Emotions, feelings are a lot of times uncontrollable. I probably have been on dates with a unicorn technically, or someone close to it, men who fit most of the boxes but even those close to the 483 check boxes, can’t without attraction and chemistry be close to perfect partner for me.
I don’t know what my dating future holds but I do know that this is the year of throwing away the unicorn list, being open to connect with men no matter their age , height, or whatever else I used to obsess about. The more I think about it the more I think all I want is chemistry , loyalty and to be happy. Check list 483 down to 3 hopefully more achievable things to aim for.