In this series of blogs excerpted from “Player Proof: The Uncensored Dating Guide For Women, Derek is going to explain some of the Players we need to watch out for.
This Player is easy to spot, he’s the one that refuses to grow up and still acts like he’s sixteen years old.
Don’t let the fact that he earns a handsome living as an executive, dresses in the latest designer jeans, and sports a very expensive watch. This is only window dressing. Scratch the surface, and you’ll discover a man that is merely chronologically in his 30’s or 40’s (yes even in his 50’s) but developmentally he’s still just a teenager
He’s deep in his 30’s or 40’s and in some instances, he will still makes the time to play his video games, and take the skateboard out for a spin. His weekends are usually reserved for “the boys” and “the big game.”
It’s important for you to determine the developmental age of the man you’re dating as soon as possible. In order for you to better understand the difference between Chronological Age, and Developmental Age.
Chronological Age: The actual amount of years the person has been alive. If a man is 30 years old, he’s been on this planet for thirty years.
Developmental Age: The age at which the person sees and responds to the world. Many people never get past the teen years developmentally since they still see, and respond to events in their lives in exactly the same way that they did when they were in their teen years. People wrongfully assume that because someone is 30 years old that they see, and respond to a person who has been alive thirty years, with ever growing understanding of the world, people, and how things truly work. So the question to ask yourself when dating a new man is…. does he have 30 years of life experience, or 1 year repeated 30 times?
At first, the Perpetual Child Player can be a lot of fun for a girl that’s been used to dating stuffy men. He’s so crazy, and fun, and is always up for a party. Hell, most of the time, he is the life of the party. He’ll be the first one to go on a road trip with you at the drop of a dime.
After a while though, you’ll begin to realize that something is missing. He has no career goals or path. He’s usually content with earning enough money to fund his hobbies, and play time, but you’ll never hear him talk about planning for the future, much less retirement. Don’t count on having children with him. He IS the child, and is way too self-centered to ever think of having to put someone else’s needs before his.
The BBD Player is a close cousin to the Perpetual Child. He sees life as a nonstop stop game of one up man ship. “Can I find a hotter girl? Can I find a younger girl? Can I find a freakier girl in the bedroom? His problem is based on the fact that he has unrealistic expectations of finding what he feels would be the ideal woman. Of course, he’s never going to find her because she doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t stop him from blowing through girl, after girl in this endless search. Inevitably, a relationship with him is short lived because he will start making up reasons to criticize you so he can pick fights with you. During this time, he will be actively courting one or more women that he feels may reach is very high (yet unrealistic ideals) BBD Players end up being the creepy old guy at the club, because he doesn’t realize that he’s way past his expiration date, and still thinks he can hook up with the young hotties.
“Primates which have never loved early, never love late.” – H.F. Harlow
This one is the most dangerous to watch out for because he has the ability to do the most damage to you! If you’re used to men always hitting on you, this one has a lot of appeal because he’s the one that is “emotionally unavailable.” He instantly becomes a challenge to you. He’s not like all the other guys or so you think! He doesn’t give me the time of day! And the game is afoot! You feel that his aloof nature is simply him playing hard to get. What you don’t realize is that he’s not playing hard to get, he’s simply emotionally detached, and doesn’t like women. Sure he’ll take you for a “spin around the block” but the damage to your heart and soul may take years to repair.
A friend of mine, I’ll call him James is the stereotypical I Hate Women Player. He’s a great guy. Smart, funny, handsome, but he’s got one serious demon lurking in his past. When he was six years old, his drug addicted mother put him up for adoption. He spent the next 12 years of his life bouncing from one abusive foster home to another. As soon has he turned 18 he went out on his own, but the scars of being abandoned by his mother still haunt him. He’s now forty and still single.
“Derek Wellington is the author of the book Player Proof: The Uncensored Dating Guide for Women. When his beautiful daughter was born five years ago, he realized that Karma had a sense of humor. Over the years, he’s seen many women left heartbroken after getting involved with Players aka Bad Boys. So, he sat down, and wrote everything he knew about Players, the mental games they play, how they seduce women and how women can protect themselves. More importantly, he shares how to quickly determine if you’re dating a man with long term potential or just a Player. If you’re a newly single or divorced woman trying to navigate the dating minefields, or if you have a single female friend, sister, or daughter, you need to pick up this book, Player Proof.