When going through a divorce, mindset is one of the most important aspects of your life. With a successful mindset, possibilities are endless. Without it, you will find yourself in perpetual frustration and a sense of never really moving forward.

After studying some masters on mindset, I have put together some vital principles of a strong and successful mindset, especially when you’re dealing with challenging changes during a divorce:
1. Find your “why”: If you can’t answer the question of “why” you are doing what you’re doing, the “how” will lack passion. Rick Warren, author of, “The Purpose Driven Life”, said “…without purpose, life has no meaning. Without meaning, life has no significance or hope.” It is imperative to dig deep and understand why you are doing what you are doing. Once the root reasons are revealed, the “how” will flow naturally.

2. Find your “when”: Everyday, do the thing that you don’t want to do the most. Brian Tracy, trainer & author, has likened this habit to “eating the frog”. If you figuratively eat the frog first thing in the morning, everything else tastes wonderful to you and will feel easy in comparison.

3. Find your “how”: The mindset of success doesn’t ask “IF”, instead it asks “HOW”. If you are asking yourself, “IF I overcome this challenge in my life?”, then consider a shift in your mindset. Instead ask, “HOW can I overcome this challenge in my life?”
Diana Nyad, the 60 year old swimmer, who swam from Cuba to Florida in
53 hours, said, “Find a way!” She said, “If it’s important to you, we can all get there…jelly-fish, sea-sickness, pain, cold…find a way.”

4. Find your “self-love”: Negative self-perception is the universal human condition of not feeling good enough or deserving. One of the best ways of discovering how you truly perceive yourself is to monitor your
thought-life. Be brutally honest with yourself and audit how much negative self-talk is occurring. Remember Henry Ford’s famous quote: “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

5. Find your “resistance”: This is my favorite! Steven Pressfield, in the “The War of Art”, said that in reality, procrastination is an internal force called “Resistance”. He goes on to explain that we feel resistance most strongly when we are about to dare greatly or grow spiritually! The first time I fell into procrastination, after reading this, I tried it. I have to admit to you, I just got plain stubborn about it. So, I MADE myself do what I was avoiding, and I really did expand as a person. The next time you procrastinate, try pushing through, and see what comes out of it.

6. Find your “tendency for perfection”: Tony Robbins, says it the best: “Perfectionism isn’t about healthy striving for excellence… it is a way of thinking and feeling that says, ‘If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect, and live perfect’, I can minimize shame, blame and judgment.” Perfection does not exist. Instead, focus on your capacity for excellence. Excellence is a goal that can be achieved each day. Consider working towards an excellent outcome, instead of a perfect one.

Shan White

Life and Divorce Coach