The answer I am sorry to say is not very! Every case is a little different, but as a practical guide line do your self and the poor unsuspecting people you may date a favor and close that tinder account.
I know this through both personal experience and listening to horror aftermath stories of trying to throw yourself into dating scenario the minute you separate or divorce.
First reason is whether you believe it currently or not, you are emotionally not ready to date, divorce no matter how amicable has highs and lows, and at times emotional roller coaster feelings that are at best unpredictable, why inflict that kind of emotional fragility on another person.One day you may be the best boyfriend, girlfriend but the next day you may bite their head off, for leaving a coffee cup mark on your counter. Nothing about divorce is really predictable and every emotion you have is normal, feel free to be as bat crazy as you want but why share that kind of turmoil on others.
Secondly you will have heinous taste in people, normal mentally stable, well adjusted people will run from you as fast they can, they see the red flags of dating someone during this period. You will attract during this period, only the players, users, losers, the married, the desperate and the other broken people around. Even worse you will attract the vultures, that special breed of person who senses your vulnerability, and then takes full advantage of it with the old “offering of a shoulder to cry on” moves. For your own sanity run from these people, no the married boss at your office isn’t your new savior, the neighbor hasn’t always had a thing for you, and is ready to give up their party life to save/ marry you. The crazy secretary who during your marriage you avoided like the plague, did not all of a sudden become any less psycho, and a good choice to get involved with than during your marriage. Trust me on this, this is all just saving syndrome gone array, no one will save you, no one will makes things go away.This is when you are truly at your most vulnerable and your number one goal should be looking after yourself and your children well being. Letting any new untried and tested partners into your life at this stage it fraught with drama and usually won’t end well for either of you.
Lastly being emancipated from your married life and being single, will cause you to perhaps feel like going off the rails a little, like a horse let out of a stable. I like many people hadn’t been single since the Clinton administration and obviously hadn’t dated as a parent.From this point of view alone you may want to tip toe, back out into civilization, things have changed radically from online dating, to dating etiquette, to trying to navigate the truth tellers from the non truth tellers, it has all got a lot more complex. You should probably also not go out into the single world with a “drink til you drop attitude”, it is not safe for women and neither sexes look best while drowning their sorrows at the local bar.There are much better ways to deal with stress and emotional overload, like exercise, meditation, volunteer work, travel, reconnecting with hobbies, friends etc , you let slip from your life during your marriage. Or like me focus all your energy on your work. Eventually hours put into these activities will pay off ten fold over, drunken dating nights with the local tinder gigolos!
So be safe, worry about your own happiness and be selfish it’s ok to be, no other time in your life will you need to converse all your energy on healing you as through a divorce. Great news is though you will heal, not just heal but find all kinds of new skills you never knew you had, so sparkle bright and avoid all people who will try to dull your shine!
Tiffany Beverlin
tiffany@dreamsrecycled.com
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