Do you ever feel like you have been blind-sided by life? Everything you once thought to be true, was really just an optical illusion. Relationships and values that you held sacred, and lived by, now cease to exist. Things and people you relied on as constants, just disappear.
You can no longer lean on that once stable individual because, he/she has failed you. Why? How? You start to think well, I let go of control. I allowed someone else to take the reins for a change, and now…I’m screwed-
Once the burden of this reality sets in, you now have to reset your entire life. You become stronger yet, colder, and harder as well. The warmth of your soul, once alive and vivacious, is now buried so deep that the sight of it resurfaces only on rare occasions. What is the next step? How do you learn to reconfigure the puzzle so the pieces will fit again? How do you learn to TRUST again?
They say the definition of trust is believing in someone’s love for you. That’s a hard nut to swallow when it has been broken. Distrust makes you frigid. You find yourself bordered up with unbreakable walls of penetration. What do we learn from this? Should we never give up full control; never entrust ourselves wholeheartedly into the arms of another?
Sad as it may be, having gone from one bad experience to the next; I feel you should never completely let that guard down. There should always be a small side rail of protection in place; because if it’s unlocked or taken away, in comes the pain. A pain that hurts and cripples you like no other. A pain that crushes your spirit and ravages your heart. So why give it the chance right?
I find it hard to ever imagine life without safety assurance; but life can not be “lived” covered by a shield. Emotions are entities of our being. They are “how” we live; so, I am still optimistic. One day it will be possible to lessen the guard rail of security. The warmth will return again, along with infinite happiness and undoubting trust. My skepticism is over powering at the moment but…here’s hoping!