I recently watched an award winning movie called “Room*”. In the movie, the five-year-old boy and his mother were held in captivity in what appeared to be a sound proof backyard shed. Every day, the mother started her morning with a routine, and she made her son’s life as normal as possible with exercise activities, reading, watching cartoons, and cooking. The boy in the movie believed that his world was all inside this room and that this was all that existed in the world. The boy had never experienced interactions with anyone outside of the room other than his captor who came nightly to bring food and basic essentials for the boy and his mother. These interactions were ones filled with fear so he hid inside of the wardrobe and watched through the broken wooden slats. He believed that the people on TV were not real. The boy did not understand that there was a beautiful world on the outside of the room. The mother had been held in captivity for more than seven years, and her hopes of escaping were slim. Nevertheless, one day, the mother began teaching the child about the things outside of the shed such as trees, trucks, pets, weather, and “real” people. When she began to dream of what life would be like on the outside of the room, she began planning an escape for her child. She had previously attempted to escape herself and had failed. Her first attempt to convince her captor to release her son was unsuccessful. The mother had asked her son to pretend he was ill so he could receive medical care from a hospital. You could see the fear in the child’s eye of the unknown as she explained what a hospital would look like and how the doctor would examine him. The next day, the mother taught the boy how to pretend he was dead, and she rolled him up into a rug. Together, the mother and child rehearsed unrolling the rug and jumping from the back of the truck to find anyone who could help protect him from the captor. While the child had doubts and expressed fear of the unknown, the mother assured him he could remember what she had taught him. And, the mother and child rehearsed unrolling the rug and escaping many times again. When the captor came for his evening visit, the mother convinced him to dispose of the child’s body that evening before dark. The mother did all that she could to help her child escape knowing that she had to remain in the room never knowing if he was safe. The Mother had experienced life outside of the room, but the child had not. The mother made the ultimate sacrifice for her child hoping that he could have a normal life outside of the room where he had been held captive for his entire life. The mother understood the consequences of her decision, but she felt the risk was worth the reward if her child could enjoy the all of the wonders of the world. I won’t spoil the rest of the movie for those of you who plan to watch it, but it was a movie filled with tears of sadness and of joy. A movie that impacted the way I have chosen to share this week.

When we think about our own lives, we often think of how scared we are of the unknown. The unknown of being the sole caretaker and financial provider of our children. The unknown of single parenting. The unknown of starting over in a relationship. The unknown of planning a future for yourself and your children. The list could go on and on. However, we shouldn’t let fear dictate our lives! We get used to our routines, our traditions, and our family as it is. Nobody really likes or enjoys change, but they are a natural part of life. As parents, we make sacrifices for our children. Our role requires that we do whatever we need to do to ensure our children’s safety, well-being, and health. And, sometimes, that requires that we ask for help from family and friends. Just like the mother in the Room, we want more for our children. We can create a new life when we start over after divorce. Trust me when I say that it can be scary. You must move forward one step at a time, one day at a time. Each day gets easier so long as you keep moving forward. There will be some days when you want to just hide from the world and imagine life as it was before divorce. You may have those moments but the most important thing you can do is to focus on what your future looks like. What do you want to create for your children? Do you want to create new holiday traditions? What new routines would best work for your new parenting schedule? How can you maximize your time with your children? What will your new life look like? You get to build your new life and paint the walls whatever color you like. Embrace it!

*Room. Dir. Lenny Abrahamson. Perf. Brie Larson, Jacob Tremblay, Sean Bridgers., Ed Guiney, David Gross, 2015.

I found the quote below particularly fitting for the week. We ask that you share this email with a friend, family member, or colleague who could benefit from the support and encouragement. Check us out online for more information about our Single Parent Coaching Program at www.LauraLLWood.com. Feel free to reach out!

Laura L. L. Wood L.L.C.

Coaching| Consulting| Crisis Control| Training

615.429.0933

laura@laurallwood.com

www.LauraLLWood.com

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