I am writing this blog while having just distributed, varies suitcases, and bags to each of my children to start packing for spring break, like all holidays for most children of divorced parents, my children are expert packers and spend their lives going back and forth between my home and their fathers. It’s still the part of divorce that bothers me the most, when the children started to have to go on back and forth between us, I would have hard time holding it together long enough to pack their little cases and kiss them good bye then to watch them walk down the drive with their bags in tow before I would cir-cum to tears. Fast forward 3 years, it still bothers me, they trek their instruments, their bags, science projects they even take their tortoise and chameleon back and forth, kissing them good bye still has a bitter sweet feel, but my attitude to it has changed.
What I have come to realize more and more since my divorce is how brilliantly resilient children really are. I am in no way saying divorce doesn’t have any effect on children, but what I am referring to is how adaptable to change children really are. Kids accept change so much better than we do, they change classes, friends, teachers, activities, they have the entire adapting to change thing down pat. My children did initially protest and the shared custody and moan going to their dads on weekends, but they quickly accepted it, they have their life at their dads, they have their life with me and by far and most importantly they have the love of two parents who may not love each other but certainly both love them.
In realizing this, I have exonerated my self of some of the guilt and emotion I feel on seeing their suitcases lined up, I try to focus on that they actually just are exposed to more opportunities in some ways split between two homes and families. I also remind myself that children don’t have the same reference to time we have, ever ask a kid how long it is til Christmas or their birthday a month to them is like a life time, they don’t count days mins hours like we do, they just want life to be happy, life to be scheduled as much as possible, then just let them accept the change. Chances are we are struggling with it a whole lot more than they are. I still ultimately believe children are happier and more well adjusted having two happy divorced parents than two miserably together parents, this is a comfort to when those guilt parent moments arise.
All divorced parents at times will feel tinges of guilt, try as much as possible to replace these with feelings of knowing you are bringing a better life to your children, by being a happier person after your divorce. The most important part of all parenting is making your child know that you love them unconditionally and are always there for them no matter which one of the homes they are in.
Tiffany Beverlin
CEO/Founder DreamsRecycled.com
tiffany@dreamsrecycled.com
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