Shame When Looking For Love

I have to admit when I first heard my calling to being a Love Coach, I thought to myself, seriously? I’ve been a feminist my entire adult life and now I’m going to help women attract men?? Have I no shame? Yes, clearly!!
…Even I didn’t understand the true depth of my calling when that voice whispered in my ear, the next pathway towards serving people.
No matter how hard I tried to ignore that voice, I couldn’t shake my profound appreciation for Tommy, the love of my life, and how unlikely our relationship was. I was that independent, powerful women that everyone loved and yet was notoriously single or in dead-end relationships. For years I thought that my ambitious life was at the cost of a relationship. I knew, there were tons of women like me who didn’t NEED a man but deep down, really WANTED to have their vision of love become a reality.
I had to choose which voice to listen to: Shame or Love?
So finally I started to listen to that loving voice calling me to coaching women on LOVE… despite the mental images of tacky dating coaches with giant hair and a size zero waste with FIND YOUR MAN slogans. THAT WAS NOT ME. But hang on, how was I any better? Who would listen to me? Who am I? Why am I doing this? Can I do this? Who does this? Am I nuts. There’s that shame voice!
What I did have was the unlikely love-life of my dreams, a relentless drive to serve, ample cognitive, spiritual and transformative training, eyes for the impossible, and a crap load of courage. Love voice!

See the Shame and SQUASH IT with Courage
One of the most important leaps I walk my clients through is shame. For example, the shame around being single AND looking. Many would say that there is no shame in being single, but if you’re the one who is single AND looking, well then I suppose that makes you desperate, needy, unwanted, pathetic, unlovable and destined for eternal loneliness. Of course we all KNOW that isn’t true, but for many of my clients (and me for 6 years straight), all the self-love mantras in the world doesn’t free you from the unescapable constraint of shame. Often my clients are surprised to find out that most of their friends and family thought that they weren’t looking for a relationship. It would be like starting a business but not telling anyone until after people are buying your product. Of course that could never work because people need to know about a product in order to buy it.

Look, we can avoid the fulfillment of our life or we can crack our hearts open and allow what we REALLY want, in.

Power Love as a business found me. When I finally stopped resisting it, it was like magic. In fact my relationship with Power Love Project (my 16-week program for women who want to fall in love) was similar to the love affair my clients go through! I had to let go of those false, ego-based attachments, remove my blockages, and begin to see that exactly what I’ve always wanted isn’t so far after all and finally step towards it and fulfill from there. In other words, I had to put my big girl pants on and open my heart and run towards my dream. The same is true when it comes to finding love.

No one likes to focus on the parts of ourselves where were are not successful. What I’ve discovered working with all these women is that when we transform our love life, we transform our whole life. Career success takes a certain level of creativity, discipline, probably intelligence and commitment. Success in love is a whole other ball game sisters. It takes courage (and therefore releasing shame) to admit when are not effective in our pursuit of love, in the name of brushing off the dust and playing full out.

That’s why I began to distinguish Power Love. I needed to squash the shame inside me and others. Read “What is Power Love” or visit michellebaxo.com for more info on this
Love Yourself. Love Your Life. Fall in Love…. Don’t settle.

Michelle Baxo
Power Love Founder and Coach
michelle@michellebaxo.com
www.michellebaxo.com

Previous

Next

Submit a Comment

Dreams Recycled