We constantly are reminded to let go, move on, put it all behind us after a divorce or break up but how do we really know we have? A piece of paper a marriage settlement agreement rarely actually signify the moment you really let go. These I think are better indicators of letting go.
1. When you hear your song and aren’t reduced to a flood of tears or a sick to your stomach feeling, it just becomes a song you once liked.
2. When you can be civil, to your ex spouse, this can be a constant struggle esoecially if coordinating kids etc, but when you reach a plateau when you are basically immune to your ex spouse ways, thats a sure fire sign that you are over them, that you have emotionally let go. You no longer allow them power control over your mood or happiness.
3. You start dating again and are actually dating to find someone to have a relationship, you aren’t dating for sex or to party or to annoy the ex or any other reason but to find a great person to spend time with.
4. You have taken the time to really forgive the other person and more importantly your self, divorce has a lot of guilt and the feeling of failure associated with it, until you forgive your self and come to terms with what ever lead to the divorce you can’t really move on because the guilt acts as an anchor weighing you down. It is believe me OK if you weren’t perfect during your marriage no one is, it’s over so therefore all you can do is let that go.
5. When you start to feel , act and really be your self again, did you return to getting joy from eating a bowl of fruit loops on a Sunday night? Sometimes its the little things that remind us who we are what we like, and that we are again happy at our core. It isn’t easy getting there but it can be signified by baby steps nit leaps and we should try and recognize these things and be grateful for a return to normality.
6. We got rid, gave away or sold our divorce items on DreamsRecycled, I can tell you it is much more difficult to move on when you are constantly reminded of your ex by rings, dresses, wedding china etc, no one needs to see or deal with that on a daily basis. You can also take that money and further move along the process by making news plans, new trips or new business ventures.
7. I think the final and kind of saddest part of really knowing you fully have let go, is when you no longer miss your ex, when you no longer compare anyone to them, or rerun memories in your head about them. Its kind of like an exorcism, out of heart, out of mind is probably the final frontier in letting go, and when you get there, you will feel so much better about yourself, your life , your future.
Life is complex, divorce is an emotional maze, put in daily work to let go, whether it is practical, emotional or physical, do what you have to do. Nothing really feels as great as the moment you know it is all behind you!