Divorce, I like to think of as forever, this is especially true when you have children. As much as you want to totally move on never look back , you are forced to relive over and over certain things as your children grow.
Whether it’s holiday shuffling and arrangements, or things your ex does with your children that drive you bonkers it’s very difficult to just totally disengage from your past married life. So I compiled a list of ways to relive as little of your past as possible and look to the future as much as you can!
1. This may sound extreme but I stopped listening to any music I ever listened to when I was married. I erased my playlists, bought a ton of new music even new genres and erased the old music, music is highly tied to memory, we all have I am sure been reduced to tears by songs at times, so anyway you can make new memories to new songs is great!
2. Clothes, did your ex like certain things you wore, perfumes, colognes, etc? Does the smell still remind you of them? I also threw away all my perfume, stopped wearing anything that I knew my ex specifically liked, I actually also took the divorce transision time to find a new me, well actually style wise go back to the old me wearing things I loved, including crazy high heels!
3. Holiday Traditions, I started all new ones, new recipes, new foods, new movies to watch on Christmas Eve, new birthday dinners, I really found divorce was a great reason to start new things, and now my kids love all the new things I started they are things they now only associate with time spent with me for the holidays.
4. Hair, change it, why? Because you can, get a slightly different cut, go a few shades lighter, go wild even ever wanted purple hair now is the time to try it, why not? I found every little step of change I took helped me find myself but also let go of the past so if you want those platinum tresses go for it!
5. Places, we are for the most part very fortunate to have choice in our lives, choice of where we go what we do where we eat, vacation etc. Here lies a massive area of ways to move forward and not look back, change Gyms, change Church, change grocery store, vacation spots, beach trips what ever you did with your spouse, don’t anymore, find new things places to go, you will feel great about trying new things exploring new places and coming in contact with new people, so try it.
6. Work out, change it, why? Well its good to mix up what you do for excersice anyway, if you don’t exercise at all now is a great time to start, its great for stress, great for your body and mentally makes you feel better and think clearer, I use my work out time to release stress and regroup when I feel overwhelmed from divorce stuff. If the by product is getting a rocking body even better, as won’t be long until you want to date again!
7. Lastly and probably most importantly change your attitude, this mostly applies when you had the pleasure of being married to the type of person who insisted on pointing out your flaws and unworthiness, now is a GREAT time to change any attitude you may have left over from them, believe you are awesome, believe you are worthy, believe that you are enough, more than enough in all you do. This can be a difficult road but I can tell you it gets easier, just remember those who tear you down do it because of their own personal short comings and issues and they mostly do it so we won’t believe we can leave, or have other better options, this is a LIE, you can, and you most certainly do. So love yourself and the rest will eventually come too!