The holidays are right around the corner and you have to prepare yourself mentally for them. If this is the first year after the divorce, the holidays can be terribly difficult to face. Since a divorce can drain you mentally, as well as physically, it is vital that you care for yourself. Be extra kind to yourself this season. This is equivalent to putting on your own oxygen mask first. Then you will be ready to face the rest of the season head on with peace and confidence.
First of all, do you have custody of the kids or joint custody? Who has the kids on the holidays? Don’t despair over what fun the holidays used to be. That’s history. If you have the kids for one of the holidays, make your plans now. Make it a fun time for all. Invite a friend and her kids to join you and make plans together.
What will you do if you are alone and the kids are enjoying holiday dinner with his family? Or if you have the kids and he is off on a Caribbean cruise for the holidays? The way to cope is to prepare for the holidays in advance. If this is the first season you will experience the holidays without him, there will be a big void to fill. Prepare now, to brace yourself, not only mentally, but physically, so you are not run down and feeling depressed at that time.
Have the kids flown the nest? Will you be alone for the first time when the holidays come around? I remember my first Christmas after he moved out. He planned. I didn’t. He took the kids, all three of them, to Mexico for fun-and-frolic-time at a beach resort. He joined dear friends of our from California, and when my kids returned, they were nice enough to share pictures of all of them at the beach, at the hotel bar with margaritas in hand, at dinner, laughing, having a wonderful time. I, in the meantime, sat alone in the house, lonely, depressed, and bored to death. I didn’t make a plan. And the thought of all of them having a grand old time at the beach didn’t make it any better! Make plans – for Halloween – for Thanksgiving – for Christmas. Now.
If you will be alone at holiday time, research ways to spend that holiday. First of all, nurture yourself. Be sure that you are eating healthy, exercising and sleeping long enough. Over the holidays, treat yourself to a massage, pedicure or manicure. Another idea is to light some candles, pour a glass of wine, get cozy on your sofa and watch your favorite movies. You may also elect to relax with a steaming hot cup of cocoa, chai, or herbal tea. Or get ambitious – bake cookies.
You can visit family in another city, volunteer at a food bank or other charitable organization, or go on a movie spree and see every movie listed at your favorite theater, popcorn included. You can make plans with a friend to travel or you can go to the library and bring home a bagful of books and CD’s. Find a museum you’ve never been to. Take a long walk in the park every day, if it’s not too cold or snowy outside.
Whatever you do – or don’t want to do, plan it now!
Marilyn Frazer
Award Winning Author of The Relationship Trap
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