Divorce is hard, mine was no different, I would love to share with you some of my personal secrets on how I was able to transform my life during my divorce.
First thing that will help you on your path to moving forward and LOVING being divorced is to figure out the why. We are creatures that crave to know WHY and problem solve. So if you can figure out YOUR WHY. Why you are here going through a divorce. ? Knowing the WHY can help you deeply on your transformation path. Try not to place blame on anyone for the marriage coming undone we are just gaining some perspective on why it happened. This is a great opportunity to dive deep to get clarity, understanding and insight into how your marriage didn’t turn out the way you had hoped for. This is a gift for you so you do not repeat this cycle in your next relationship.
Acceptance is key. Allow yourself to accept that the marriage is now over and in the past. This may be hard to come to terms with but if you can focus on the present time and be conscious of the marriage has come to an end this will help you be able to move on. Accept that you will have low days during this transition. Allow yourself to feel the pain and let it run through you. Process it. Don’t try to ignore it, push it down or fight it. Allow yourself to feel how you are feeling.
Forgiveness was one of the most important lessons I learned during my divorce. I had never been able to forgive before and that was one of the factors that contributed to my divorce. I take responsibility for being unable to forgive my partner and am grateful for being able to achieve this now. I pride myself on how much I have invested into learning how to forgive and been able practice this gift in my daily life. My best forgiveness advice is learning to understand that everyone acts and does out of reason. Nothing is random. There is a reason why someone acts, says or does what they do. A lot of time it is to deflect something that is going on inside them. So having compassion and understanding makes forgiving a lot easier to achieve.
Time is something we cannot destroy, adjust or get back. So learn to live in the moment. Living in the future can bring anxiety, living in the past can lead to being depressed but when you live in the present that brings peace. Try not to fixate on your future and what it is going to look like or be. Don’t dwell on if and when you will find another partner. And try not to live in the past when you were married and enjoying the wedded bliss in the early stage of marriage. Focus on today and how you feel now. If you aren’t living for today you won’t be living at all. Even if today is a low day embrace is so that tomorrow is not. Process your thoughts and feelings. Divorce is a cluster F@ck of emotions. There are low days and good days, each teach us something different about our journey so embrace both and live in the moment.
Learn to LOVE YOURSELF. This was especially hard for me to do. How could I love myself if someone else wasn’t? I had never really been alone with who I was so how could love someone I didn’t even know. So I made it my goal to get to know myself again and LOVE her. I treated myself to spa days, accepted being able to spend money on myself to buy new clothes and joined a gym. These were all things I was doing to invest in myself and show myself I am worth it and I am loved. I continue to go on dates with myself and shower her with love, praise, time and gifts !
Bitter about divorce to Better After Divorce.
Brooke Gaybriel
Brooke is a divorce transformation mentor, guiding and supporting people just like YOU who are trying to find their way on their divorce journey.
brooke@ilovemydivorcedlife.com
Facebook @ilovemydivorcedlife and Brooke Gaybriel
Instagram @ilovemydivorcedlife
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