Entering the dating pool after divorce has been quite challenging to say the least, but one of the biggest hurdles to overcome or understand is the very different way men and women communicate. Obviously there are huge disparages in how each individual man and women communicate but for the purposes of this article I am highlighting things myself and my friends have complained or been baffled by in the dating world.
Here are a few of the types encountered
1. The over sharer- on a first date or even within the first few dates do we need to hear all the graphic details of their ex personality’s their past sexual experiences and the stories of the one true love that they can never get over…believe me men and ladies no one wants to hear this being open is fine but sharing intimate details of previous relationships makes you clearly appear hung up on your ex or laden with baggage. We neither wish to hear how much you still are in love with your Ex or how much they damaged you and you hate them. Follow this rule silence is golden. People want to feel that you are living in the here and now and that you are emotionally available to enter a relationship with each other in the present.
2. The ESP-er- this applies to the people who expect that the other person who you really don’t know to read their mind. What you think? Feel ? Want? Based on the ever annoying comeback “well you should just know”. Let me tell you this doesn’t work at all. People may have different levels of expressing their feelings but at the very least there has to be a somewhat even split between who is expressing their feelings. No relationship can survive one person gushing over the other I love you’s only to be met with strange silence the other end. Best thing in this case is to either say that you feel the same or quite frankly if you don’t feel that way why are you still in that relationship…does anyone really want to be with someone who has little interest or no emotional attachment to the other person.
3.The liar/manipulator-this is the person who says all the right things all the time, on the second date they are in love with you and feel that you are “the one”, really does that happen for real? Maybe rarely the love at first site theory kicks in but generally isn’t love based on getting to know someone and falling in love with them. This to me is one of the worse kind of people to date they are usually so good at giving you and saying exactly what you want that it takes a while to be able to see them for the liars and often cheats they are. Chances are if they are spinning you lines they are to other people too. That seems to hold true for me and my friends anyway.
4.The over texter- ok I have been guilty of this girls, women we love to text and sometimes men do to but really if a person has 4-6 hours a day to do nothing but text you what the heck kind of job or work ethic do they have..as flattering as it seems it quickly becomes a chore for you both.. less generally is more especially for men they generally aren’t big texters girls write in paragraphs men mono-symbolic replies.. try not to take this as disinterest after all the man may actually truly be working or being productive.
5. The non texter- hard to believe but these Luddites exist men especially who just really don’t text hardly at all or just with mono-symbolic answers… the thing with that it’s ok if you don’t want to text, but then you are going to have to be old school and call your other halves, because relationships are work they take effort so you will have to find a communication compromise. Something that works for you both to keep the lines of communication open.
6.The gusher..I love- LOVE. I do. I love how it feels, how happy it makes you, but like everything isn’t sometimes less more. I have found some people are over commutative over complimentary over expressive. When someone tells you a thousand times a day you are beautiful sexy or they love you doesn’t it lose its value a little. We equate quantity with insincerity. This is by far the loveliest thing any man has ever said to me because it was rare it was sincere and in the moment it was totally appropriate.
Tiffany you are
Uniquely beautiful, Insight-fully witty, Searingly intelligent, Warmly passionate, Wickedly adventurous, Sincerely honest and Humble loyal you can quote me on that . So I am lol!
Men take note a rare moment of sincerity means more than endless gushing for most women.
7.The complicate-er-who likes this type of communicator? Not I! Life is complex enough, be real, be kind, be realistic and don’t over complicate relationships. If someone says they like you be grateful be respectful don’t launch into full FBI mode why do they like you? Who do they like you more than? How much do they like you? What parts do they like? This type of communicator drives me crazy. Going to the movies on a Friday requires like a 3 hour discussion, who has time or patience for that. You also on the receiving end start to feel that you are permanently being quizzed and anything you say may be taken down dissected and used against you later.
8. The live in the past-er- I live in 2014 in the current day and month, reminiscing can be fun occasionally but I really don’t want to hear endlessly about you days at college, your days as pro athlete, stripper or spelling bee champ. It’s exhausting and doesn’t make people feel like they can ever achieve that level of happiness in the here and now which is frustrating to say the least.
9.The shut downer-I have encountered this before, people who rather walk away than try and communicate anything. It’s very immature response in my opinion if you have something to say say it, end it, discuss it but cutting off all ties with people is very dramatic way to prove a point. I think we all deserve a certain level of human decency I personally would never refuse to speak to someone it solves nothing and leaves unfinished emotions in everyone involved. So if you can try always to keep lines of contact open remember no one is perfect and try and treat people how you wish to be treated.
If you happen to fall in any of these categories don’t worry its never to late to work on these things. Keep your lines of communication open, make positive communication choices, use kind words, be honest, be respectful and try and enjoy the present time and relationships you are in. Special note to men if you do have feelings emotions sometimes not saying them makes you lose the one you love. So open up be sincere and maybe you will get your happy ever after.
Tiffany Beverlin
CEO Dreamsrecycled
tiffany@dreamsrecycled.com
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