During a divorce we are faced with trying to put all the pieces together to figure out what happened, why it happened, and how to fix it. First we are faced with anger and guilt but we need to figure out a way to move past that stage. I found journaling to be the best way to do it. Journaling is a great way to get out your feelings without making it public. In today’s social media age, many of us find it way too easy to attack and vent on the internet. Most of the time we post without thinking of the consequences of what we say. By writing our feelings we can have a running log of improvement over time, and if we are meeting goals. No matter if you are the one who is being divorced, or if you filed for the divorce, it is a must to channel your feelings into a positive. Journaling isn’t always going to be fun, glamourous, or painless. Writing needs to come from deep within and should be truthful. Be honest with yourself, you may think that all the blame comes from your ex, but take some time to look at yourself. Where did things begin to go wrong? What could I have done to change certain situations? Is there something I need to do to change certain things for the future? For example, did you find yourself having more arguments while you were drinking? Write about those situations, and how did alcohol make it worse. Make future goals that you will get help in AA. If you cheated, why did you do it? What situations made it get to that point? If you were cheated on, was there situations that were red flags that you missed? Write about what you love about yourself, and what you hate about yourself. Admit what you don’t like and start to work on it. Document your progress and feelings. The first months it was easy for me to blame my ex, but once I started journaling and writing more it became evident that I was blind to a lot of situations and once it became clearer to me I was able to work on things one at a time. After a few months doing it myself, I found many things about me that caused riffs for many years. To me it was me being normal, but to others it was me being an ass. I took classes to better manage situations so I would not appear to be stand offish. Chances are even if you do all this, you may never get back together, but you aren’t doing this just for your ex, you are doing this for your kids, friends, family, and future spouse.
An Example of Journal Ideas:
- Get a good journal
- First Week: What just happened. Your initial view of why you are separated/divorced.
- Second Week: Write about what happened in past arguments and issues while married.
- Third Week: Write about those situations on how they could have been handled better.
- Fourth Week: Write about what you like and don’t like about yourself. (example PRO: great sense of humor CON: judgmental) Then write about your CON and what you can do to help change that in the future.
- Fifth Week: Your goals
- Write daily about your feelings, good days and bad. Once a week write about how you are meeting your goals.
Does anyone else have any journaling or writing ideas? Write them in the comments!
Jason Pilarski
Blogger, Divorced Dad Extraordinaire and Sports Writer.
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