Is Bitterness Dragging you down?

We’ve all met at least one, more likely several divorced men or women in our lifetime who seem to never smile and all their problems in life are due to their Ex spouse. Names like “jerk, idiot, or moron” used to describe their Ex roll of their tongue as fast as a ball rolls down a hill. They are consumed with bitterness and hatred and it shows not only in the words they choose but also in their face with scowl lines.  Maybe you are one of those individuals reading this blog.  If so, there is hope to be free from the bitterness dragging you down.

One of my friends recommended I attend a Divorce support class at a local church. At the time I thought it was a great idea, until I realized that the majority of the individuals attending were still stuck in neutral.  Each week we would sit together as a group before we broke up in smaller sessions. In the large group session we would watch a video about the “reality ‘ of divorce, the financial difficulties, custody issues, and the like. Then in smaller group sessions we would share our thoughts with each other. I left each session more depressed then I came. Everyone seemed so bitter and angry. One lady had been divorced for 10 years and was still focusing on the past. I vowed that night not to become a person stuck in bitterness. Healing from a broken heart doesn’t happen overnight, but darn if I was going to be sitting in a group 10 years from then still grieving and bitter.

So how do you let go of the bitterness?  In my last blog I wrote about forgiveness, one of the hardest things to do, but the most powerful.  Forgiveness defined is “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender), to stop blaming someone, to stop feeling anger about something.” It doesn’t mean you excuse someone’s behavior, it doesn’t mean you forget what happened. But, it does mean you let go of negative emotions and the need to get revenge. It isn’t simple or easy to do, especially when you have to still deal with the person because of shared custody, etc.

Instead of focusing on how you feel “wronged”, or the resentment

toward your Ex, begin to write a daily journal of all the things you are grateful for. I remember being handed a book called “The Gratitude Attitude A Gift Within Your Grasp”, written by J. Carl Newell. I worked with Mr. Newell and remember when he handed me that book I almost threw it back at him. What in the world did I have to be grateful for I thought? I had been betrayed, my marriage was ending and I had now way to support myself. The anger was going to eat me alive though if I did nothing. So, I started writing down things that I was grateful for, my beautiful children, friends who supported me, family who loved me. For every negative thought I had I replaced it with a positive thought. My mind and thought process began to change. I could have continued to live in bitterness but I chose to live in joy.

Do I still think my Ex is a jerk sometimes? Sure, but life is too good to worry about that and I’m having way too much fun living life and discovering new adventures.

 

“Set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude”~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 

Holly Hima- lives in Atlanta, Ga. area, loves the outdoors and makes her living as a Registered Nurse.

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