Work, kids, chores, bills, stress and no time for each other. Sound familiar? This might be your reality, but don’t worry, if you make your relationship the priority, you can learn how to reconnect with your partner again. In the book The Intentional Family, William J. Dougherty talks about “rituals of connection” which are daily reconnections with your partner in order for your relationship to thrive. Here are some tips.
1. Have a date night with your partner. Dinner or just a movie night will help you to reconnect. Make sure that during your dinner your phone is completely off and you pay full attention to your partner. Try to focus on your conversation and listen to your partner. If you start thinking about kids, or work, try to stop those thoughts and engage back in conversation. Try to keep your conversation positive and avoid talking about your heated topics. If you touch anything heated, excuse yourself and take a walk to the bathroom and calm down. Try to be kind to your partner. Remember that you love this person and your intention is to connect and be happy again.
2. Send loving text messages to your partner daily. It could be as simple as text messages like
“I love you” or “Thinking about you”. Your partner will appreciate your messages and both of you will feel loved and cared for.
3. Stay curious about your partner’s day at work and ask questions of each other. Having interest in your day will make you feel wanted and that you care about each other’s lives outside of the home.
4. Compliment each other during the day. We all like to hear compliments and words of affirmation. Tell her that she looks smoking hot and she will feel beautiful and wanted by you. Tell him that he looks sexy in that shirt and make him feel wanted too.
5. Throw away your stubbornness and say sorry. Apology will show your partner that you really care about your relationship.
6. Be more affectionate. When you walk outside hold each other’s hands. Touch each other often. Give each other hugs and kisses before you leave for work and welcome each other when you are back. Cuddle with each other on the sofa. Cuddle more often in bed. The magic of human touch. We all need it, but we often forget how effective and meaningful touch can be. Daily cuddling will deepen your relationship. Cuddling, hugs, or just a massage releases the amazing hormone oxytocin into your system and that will make you feel good. You will feel happy and more connected. So, give her the massage she’s been asking for.
7. Have sex more often and make it a priority. Cuddling can lead to great sex. Tell each other your desires and wishes. Try to stay open minded and go with it. Tell each other what you like the most in sex and do it. Take it slow and kiss. Extend the foreplay and focus on your partner’s needs. Ask questions where you should touch her and what she really likes. There are always some parts that may be neglected. Focus on her orgasm. The quality of your love making will affect your relationship and reconnects you.
8. Find some activity together and stick to it. Whether it is just a simple walk, or going to the gym, it is something you will do together.
9. Tell each other once a week what you really appreciate about that week from your partner.
10. Revisit the past and tell each other what you loved about each other when you met. Going back to the initial sparks can bring it up to the present.
11. Remember that relationships are built on compromises. Compromising is necessary for a successful marriage. Many of us don’t know how to compromise or didn’t have the need to compromise when we were single. When you are in a relationship, you must think and consider the needs and wants of your partner. When you agree to compromise, make sure that you will not hold this over your partner’s head. Take turns in compromising and check in with each other that there are no hurt feelings.
Katerina Fager MA, LPC, AMFT*
Marriage and Family Therapist, Divorce Mediator, Author & Guest Speaker
William J. Doherty (1999), The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family
Ties. Willow Morrow Paperbacks.