If you follow my blogs you will know most of what I say is done with a dash of humor and a healthy side of sarcasm, I in no way advocate doing anything horrible to your ex, I advocate moving forward in a positive fashion, BUT I do strongly believe in eradicating your ex from your mind body and soul as soon as humanely possible. No one after a long relationship can healthily move on or attract the right person into your life if you are harboring good, bad or other thoughts of our ex. I posted something the other day that said ” if you are holding space in your life with the wrong person, how do you ever expect to have room for the right person to fit?”. So time for some tough love from yours truly, because I really wholeheartedly feel this is the way forward.
1. Stop having sex with your ex, stop it, it’s emotionally unhealthy, and will not in anyway stop them having sex with anyone else as well. Accept that your bodies no longer belong together , if in doubt of this review your divorce documents, this is proof that you are no longer together and should not be invading each others bodies. I would even go one step further, do not think of your ex when having sex alone or with new partners. This is also a way of prolonging the agony, if tempted too think of the very vilest thing about your ex physically, and focus on that until you have no sexual attraction to them anymore. You know that one beach photo of them where they look like a beached whale, or when they had flu and where grey as a ghost, or how slovenly they were. What ever it takes do it.
2. Remove, photos, sentimental items from your home, why wake up every day under the picture you took together on a vacation trip? Whether you choose to accept this or not that triggers subconscious thoughts in your head of your ex and your time together. Even if you aren’t conscientiously thinking about your ex, why have he or she cross your mind constantly every day. If you have children together and your child wants to keep these photos, make a scrap book, tell them the photos are for them to keep in their room, that is an acceptable compromise but then still, you do not need to look at them constantly.
3. Bonfire, OK this is more on the extreme end of hexing your ex, do you have, letters, cards, photos that you really, really don’t want anymore? Gather some friends, gather your stuff and burn baby burn, all your sentimental artifacts away, therefor eliminating the temptation of ever looking at them or reading them again. This is great way to cathodic-ally let go, watching your last relationship literally go up in flames. (Clearly use sensible safety precautions when attempting this).
4. Rid them from your mind, this maybe the hardest of all, how do you just stop thinking about someone, you spent so much of our life with? Sometimes the thoughts can be of their betrayal, the cheating, lying, feeling of unfairness you just can’t shake. Or it could be that you are still in love with them and can’t really accept they aren’t coming back, this category comes under the umbrella of often our memories of someone are better than the reality of them. If you have made it through divorce stage it is proof that something wasn’t as wonderful as you maybe fantasizing about. This area requires conscience thought to eliminate them, focus on your self, your health, your children, mediate if you must, don’t let bitterness or anger or even false love fill up your mind and thoughts. If they creep in banish them, push them aside by redirecting your mind to happier, healthier things, focused around you and your new single opportunity filled life.
5. Stop lying to your self, I think one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves, is “they love me” or “they loved me”, this in a way keeps their hold over you.We want to both believe the best of our exes, but we also want to think we are lovable, and they must have or still do love us. The truth is often far from this, perhaps these people did love us, or thought they loved us in the beginning, but you can rest assure that after divorce they have either fallen out of love with us, or perhaps realized they never actually were in love with us. I find once you really let go of this notion and start to see people for who they are and also relationships, for what they were, the removal of your ex from your life is so much easier!
6. Date, why date? Well I think the grey period between, divorce and finding a new partner, should both be fun and casual. I would not recommend dating to find a new serious partner for the first few years after a divorce, but I do think dating is a great way to find yourself, to explore other possibilities, interact with all kinds of people, getting a better feel for what you want or don’t want next time around. It also will make you realize very quickly that your ex is far from the only person who is out there! They were just one of 7 billion people on this planet so the odds are still in our favor. Yippee to that!
7. Travel, why do I recommend travel so much to divorcees? Well it puts things in perspective. Living your regular life between your home, work and children make it easy to dwell or wallow in your past relationships and therefor your ex, take a trip, gather some friends, find a new destination, a new beach, a new city and let the awe of seeing so many new things and experiencing things eradicate any lingering thoughts of your ex. Let the new wash away the old, and be grateful for the million new opportunities, chances and choices you have been given along with the clean slate of single freedom. Relish it, love it and grab your future with two hands and make it all and everything you want it to be , because it is entirely within your reach.
Hexing your ex is a healthy way forward, if you have children with these people then, clearly remain civil, but most importantly never again let them effect your emotions, your feelings of worth or your future, take any thoughts of your ex ,them shelf them in the depth of your psyche and make room for all the good things and people in your life that are sure to come.