So, you are divorced and you want to start dating..now what?
Psychologists say that you should wait to start dating until you are emotionally ready. Some recommend a year or two! WOW! I think it is important to be ready but I think it’s more a matter of your process than a specific time. If you are carrying around pictures of your ex-spouse, your ex-dog and your ex-house – you probably are not ready. Wait a little longer and you will be happier. If you can’t make it through a meal without crying, give it more time. But, if you have successfully put those pictures away, made your space your own, have existed a period without a special someone in your life and you are comfortable alone; it just might be time to start dating.
Well, if you haven’t learned who your friends are through your divorce, you will once they try to fix you up! Seriously, first date that my friend set up on I called him the next day and I wanted to punch him in the face! How could he ever think I would like HER? Wow…
If you haven’t dated since the 80’s or before – things have changed a little. Hopefully, this blog will help you out. I will try to share some experiences, some lessons learned and some funny stories and I’d love to hear from you and your experiences. The basics are still the same – Men and Women. Each of us has our own needs, desires, wants, must haves and must not haves.
Since you are divorced you’ve probably learned a lot about what you want in a relationship going forward. Many of us newly divorced (less than 2 years – you are newly divorced), have been through some sort of counseling and if you haven’t – I would highly recommend it. Knowing what you want AND what you don’t want is very important.
My dad used to tell us kids – I want to get you a job on a garbage truck so that you will know what you DON’T want to do. Maybe you feel like you just got off the garbage truck yourself. The more information about yourself you have the better. If you don’t know where you are going you will be lost when you get there – Yogi Berra said something like this and it’s true.
Good news! There are options. Bad news! How to pick them?
Remember the glory days of dating? You saw a girl you liked, you asked her friends about her, you tried to make your schedule fit hers so she would notice you, maybe you told a friend to tell a friend that you kinda, sorta, maybe liked her and then you found out she kinda, sorta liked you back and so you screwed up the courage to have your friend ask her out for you and her friend said – YES and then you were a couple! Yay! Success.
Yeah, it’s different now.
People are in less social situations than they have been ever before. We spend more time in front of a computer or TV screen than a decade ago. Luckily for you, dating has moved online too.
Welcome to INTERNET Dating!
Do you want to be matched, go fishing or are you looking for harmony? Don’t know what I mean, don’t worry in my next blog I will talk about some of them – their pros and cons and how to enter this brave new world.
JR Fuller
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