So you’ve set up your profile, refined your searches, send out your initial “Hello there..” emails and you’ve gotten a couple of great responses. You really connected digitally with someone and now it’s time for … meeting them IRL (In Real Life).. yikes!
First of all, congratulations! This is the next first step! Exciting isn’t it. Your heart pounding to meet them, looking at their online profile photos 28 times between now and the next 15 minutes when you are going to meet. It’s scary awesomeness!
What kind of a first date did you set up? Wait there is more than one type?? Lol Yup. It’s changed my friend, I told you that in the first blog. Let me give you a quick rundown.
Meet and Greet – The meet and greet first date is really just a “check you out” kind of a first date. Do you REALLY look like your online photos? Do you dress nice, smell good; are you as tall as you said you were? It’s very much about the “Physical”. A lot of people like this kind of low-key first date where there is not a lot of expense (typically it’s a coffee/drink type of thing) and only budget like 30 mins max for this date. It can happen at lunch time or generally just after work.
There are many benefits to this type of date including:
1). Not a lot of time invested if they don’t meet up to your physical requirements
2). Not a lot of money invested
3). Can do multiples in a day (yes, some people do that).
4). Can always extend it if it is going really well.
Drawbacks:
1). For me, I wonder, if the person is not willing to give me a few hours, how seriously are they taking this?
2). It really just is about the Physical Appearance on this type of first date.
3). Not really enough time to get to know someone.
The Interview – This is the type of date typically at a quite place where one or both of you proceed with your list of questions about the other. If it’s not done right it will feel like a job interview and you may not want the job at the end of the session. It will take a little longer and typically involves some kind of low-key event (Lunch, Dinner, walk in the park, etc.) that gives you plenty of time to talk. There was a study done by psychologist Arthur Aron about 36 questions you can ask / answer and any two people could fall in love. (See NY Times article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0). I would recommend that if you are both serious about having an interview style date – check these questions out.
Benefits:
1). Get to learn a LOT about each other in a short period of time
2). Can check out the physical appearance as well as get some insight to their personality
3). A lot of talking time and getting to know each other (or at least what they wish to share about them).
Drawbacks:
1). Who likes interviews?
2). You might get to the end having revealed a lot about yourself and not get the “job” or want it either.
Event Date – This date is typically around some kind of event or activity. Could be anything as simple as a movie or visit to a theme park, picnic, concert or anything you want to do. These give you an opportunity to do something you enjoy and perhaps bond with the person. Make sure you pick something both of you like to do (hint: Not everyone wants to try skydiving) and are comfortable with.
Benefits:
1). Can have a lot of fun at the activity – even if you don’t really like the person you are with at the end of the date.
2). Gives you a chance to see them in a different environment.
3). Allows you to be your happiest self.
Drawbacks:
1). Can be expensive (depending on what you choose to do).
2). The experience is often the focus and doesn’t give a lot of time for conversation (please don’t talk during the movie).
3). Can spend a lot of time with someone and not take the time to connect to THEM.
I like to work with my date to see what kind of a date she is interested in. I will do a meet and greet if that is all she wants to do, but prefer a lunch or dinner date with time to get to know each other and talk. If we can do a combination dinner date and an event date, (for example a picnic or day at the park or even a movie later) all the better.
I have some basic guidelines for my first date:
1). Always meet in a public, safe place.
2). Always travel separately with your own transportation to / from the date.
3). Always confirm date/time and location a couple of hours prior to date.
4). Provide / Ask for directions if one of you is unfamiliar with location.
5). Google the place you are going to meet and make sure: It’s open, it is what it’s supposed to be and it’s a public place. Read reviews and whatever is available if you are unsure.
6). Tell your family or friends about your plans. Tell them where you are going and who you are meeting and when you are starting and expecting to end.
7). Check in you’re your family / friends when you arrive and when you leave. You can also set up an Safety Check 30 mins into the date have a friend/family member call you to make sure you are okay.
8). I tell my date that I do not kiss on the first date. This takes the pressure off me and off them. I prefer a hug, ask if unsure.
9). If you are unclear on who is going to pay – discuss it up front. I was raised the guy pays, but I’m a bit old fashioned too and with 50 first dates in 6 weeks – it’s expensive.
10). Talk about expectations if you are unclear about anything!
11). Relax and HAVE FUN! Smile.
12). ALWAYS BE A GENTLEMAN. Open doors, give her your jacket if she is cold, be kind, considerate and sweet. Treat her like you would like your mother, sister or daughter to be treated. (This goes for the ladies too…be awesome).
Welcome to dating in 2015!
This is my last blog unless you have a suggestion for something you would like to see here. Thank you for reading and good luck in your search!
JR Fuller
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