Finding Your Next Ex Blog 3

Every online dating site gives you an opportunity to create an online profile. This is your “electronic” personality, your i-face to the internet dating world. The importance of your profile can not be overstated. What you put in there will determine if and how many people look at you, whether they contact or respond to you and what types of people you will attract / repel. To put it simply, it’s your FIRST IMPRESSION. And frankly, it’s easy to blow it. These recommendations are my opinion only but I think they hold some universal truths as well. I have had some really great (and some really awful) experiences dating online but I’ve learned a lot and I can say it has been more positive for me than negative. Online dating provides you access to people you would never have met in your daily interactions. Hopefully, everyone is there for the same reason – to bring a new person into his or her lives. Not everyone online is there for a relationship. Some are there to date and will date multiple people, some are there for sex (called a hook-up), some are there to get married, some to get a green card, some to cheat on their spouses and some to get money or something else out of you. The vast majority however is there to find a loving, stable relationship. Be honest about why you are there. Good news is there is someone for everyone. Heck, there are multiple someone’s for everyone.

So, let’s talk about your first impression – Your online profile. There are typically a few types of information you can provide in the profile. They include:
1. Fill in the blank or pick from a list general questions– Martial Status (Single/Never Married, Divorced, Widowed, Currently Separated, Married), Hair Color, Religion, Height, Body Type (we will discuss this later), Profession, Income, Race, etc.
2. About your date questions – what are you looking for physical characteristics, education, location, etc.
3. Free Form Text – this is where you can describe yourself in your own words about who you are and what you are looking for in a potential partner and relationship. TAKE YOUR TIME and fill it out. I suggest you complete it in a word processor with spelling and grammar turned on. This is your first impression. Re-read it several times, update it as needed. Ask a friend to read it for you, or better yet your therapist! Be Honest. You don’t have to tell every part of your life history, but this will determine the quality and quantity of people the respond to you.

Additionally and very important, every site lets you put up photos. SMILE in your profile photo. You might think that duck-face is cute (I personally hate that face) but on your profile photo you should be smiling. To be honest, you should be smiling in the majority of your photos. Who wants to date a grouch? Your profile photo is sometimes the ONLY thing that people see. It’s the invitation to come and view your profile. It’s the draw. If you profile photo says – STAY AWAY FROM ME I’M ANGRY or I’m a total douche bag you will not be attracting the quality or quantity of the people you want. I would recommend that your profile picture have only you in it. It is one of my pet peeves and one of the most frustrating things for me when every photo on a woman’s profile has other people in it. I then have to figure out who is the same in each photo and do investigative work. I hate that and it will make me move on to the next profile very quickly. We KNOW you have friends…but we want to know YOU first, not your 1000 closest friends.

Specific advice to guys (that I’ve heard from multiple woman):
1. Keep your shirt on. Unless there is a body of water behind you (or your in it), keep your shirt on.
2. Be respectful when you are contacting someone for the first (and multiple times). Hey baby; wanna hookup; nice tits; I want to do xy and z to you; you turn me on — are great ways to NOT connect with someone.
3. Be truthful. If you are only looking to hook-up respectfully communicate that. If you don’t like kids, don’t pursue someone who has children just because you like their profile picture – not fair to them.
4. Be understanding – most women online get 100s of emails to each one YOU get. So, if you don’t get any, she’s got a 100. You get 10, she’s got 1000. She may not see yours; she may not answer yours. Don’t take it personally, understand she is overwhelmed with emails and may not have gotten to you. Multiple emails when she hasn’t even responded yet will not earn you any points and may cause you to be blocked.
5. Make your communications stand out. Since she is overwhelmed be different. Don’t try to be funny if you are not, or try to be anything you are not. Make sure you read her profile completely and try to engage her about things in her profile. Most guys don’t read her profile, be the guy that does.
6. Respect her safety. Don’t suggest a meeting in a place where she will not feel safe. Public place at a decent time where you both arrive and leave separately is best for both of you.
7. Be yourself. We all tend to put our “best foot forward” when meeting someone but don’t lie, don’t overdo it. If you truly want to meet that special person in your life, be yourself – that’s who you need them to love not some improved / fake version of you.
8. Have at least 3 photos of you. It should include a close up headshot, a medium body shot (waist up) and a full-length body shot. If they meet you they are going to see you anyway and why waste your time or theirs if they aren’t going to like who you are physically once they meet you. Might as well get that over with upfront. Don’t forget to smile.

Next blog – specific recommendations for the ladies and their profiles.

JR Fuller



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