We live in a society filled with media over load on celebrity divorces, with in minutes of a celebrity divorce announcement you will see comments laying blame. “It was his fault he cheated, no her fault she took her career too seriously, he couldn’t keep his hands off the nanny, she was too high maintenance”. The truth is though unless you were inside this marriage like all regular divorce stories too, you will never really know or understand the factors that lead to the divorce.
When I started DreamsRecycled.com every single interview I did I was asked, who’s fault was my divorce who caused it, I refused to answer I still don’t answer this question because firstly there is no cut and dry answer and also over the last few years of talking to so many divorcees and hearing their stories I have come to the conclusion that basically all divorces are caused in part by two people as are all happy marriages the result of two people. I over time have become more accepting of my faults and responsibility in my divorce. I even accept some blame for allowing myself to get screwed over in the outcome of it, I gave in, that of course my fault. I don’t really regret this decision, I just think anyone going through a divorce will find the healing process and moving on easier, when you do both forgive your self and the other person and also take responsibility in the demise of your marriage.
In some ways the more you blame the more you hold on to the anger, the victim status and by definition when you do this you stop your self letting go. We all know there is no happily after divorce until you let go and forgive. I sometimes speak to people who literally haven’t dated for decade after their divorces. WOW please stop this , we all only have one fairly short life why waste months, years, decades, holding on to all that anger and not moving on or giving your self a chance to move forward! To me its the equivalent of allow willingly someone to destroy your life. Please don’t do this to yourself, we all are valuable, unique individuals who deserve happiness alone and also to find love and happiness with someone else, why let past relationship take this opportunity away from you? DON’T!
As my good and wise friend Cam said to me today life is both short and beautiful so may as well enjoy it! well said Cam with that thought I will leave you all not to focus on the blame or who’s at fault but focus on your own happiness and future….that is the DreamsRecycled and best way!