The thing with divorce, is it catapults you into massive uncertainty and fear. Everything you knew to
be true is no longer the same, you find yourself questioning everything and feeling as if you know
nothing.The uncertainty about your partner, your life, your home, your kids and your finances is all too much, and your conversation with yourself and others becomes one of fear.
One of the biggest challenges anyone faces at the beginning of divorce is how to change the
conversation of fear to one of love. Fear creates a constant and never ending assault on your thoughts and feelings. You find yourself going around in what I call the “crazy 8 loop”, a place of no beginning and no ending. You start with a thought, “Where will I live?” which leads to “How will I support myself?” to “What about the kids?” and then it’s “I should have been more patient” to “I shouldn’t have said that”. The thoughts become one long chain reaction and you find yourself locked in self-doubt, self-criticism and feelings of unworthiness and not being good enough. Does it have to be this way? What if we replaced fear with love? It’s hard to believe you can especially when you are in the process of divorce.
When coaching clients I help them to understand how their FOCUS exacerbates pain and fear. Whatever
you focus on expands, if you focus on fear things will get scarier, if you focus on loss, you feel sadness. If you focus on the lack of love, you experience the lack of love. If you believe you experience love as
a result of your “significant other” and they are no longer there, then do you believe love is unavailable to
you? If you do, I am here to tell you, it’s not true. Other people can be a catalyst for love, however the
love you feel comes from within, it’s your natural state of being and it’s your birth-right.
You are a source of divine love and all healing comes from love. In order to heal your divorce, you have to connect to the love within you. Imagine if you were to focus on the love in your heart on a daily basis and you began to feel happier, lighter and more able to deal with your divorce, wouldn’t that be better than pain and suffering? I am not talking about denying your divorce or the feelings
of sadness, however I am suggesting you choose to alleviate your fear by choosing to connect to your
source of love. One of the easiest ways to shift from fear to love is to begin to find small things to be grateful for, to appreciate yourself, to be kind to yourself, and choosing to feel love for yourself no matter what. You can listen to a powerful “Connected Heart” meditation here. When your focus is on love, you
connect to your real power and the innate healing within you.
Maxine Clancy
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