“9-1-1…It Is My Emergency” Part 2.
In today’s age of social media, separations and divorces can make for some very juicy gossip for those who read it. Things you really need to remember are that you are really doing is destroying yourself and all those around you. The last place you should be venting at this time is online. I am just as guilty of falling into the social media tailspin and know firsthand the tolls it took on everyone involved. When you are back to a clear mind, you re-read what you wrote and wonder why you wrote that in the first place. At that time the damage is already done. Let’s be realistic about our friends, sometimes they like to sit back with popcorn, fuel the fire, and watch us burn. We tend to feel we can still do and say things online because we blocked our exes and their family. That is so far from the truth. Words travel very fast; a friend can screen shot a post and it will still wind up in the hands of your exes inbox in just a matter of seconds from you posting. You can delete a few minutes later when you realize you messed up, but you can’t get back the screen shots already sent for evidence. These online slip ups may pop up again in court and custody hearings which just creates more unneeded drama. In addition to the time and expense you may have to pay your lawyer to fight that rouge post.
If you are on the receiving end of an ex blasting you online, what they are most likely trying to do is bait you into doing something that may help their cause. Look at it this way, who is the one person right now you knows exactly how to push your buttons. Here are some key tips to surviving social media and ways to direct your attention during these very emotional and stressful times in your life.
1. Deactivate & evaluate your online situation. I don’t mean you have to permanently delete accounts, but innovatory your accounts, look at possible situations where you may get into trouble.
2. Look at your friends closer. Take some time to really look at who you are friends online with. Is it better to remove mutual friends who may become troublemakers or is it better to just start new accounts from scratch with people you trust? I chose the easy route and just removed mutual friends, but looking back at it I should have started all new accounts.
3. A friend keeps discussing or wants gossip. We all have those friends who may or may not mean well, and don’t help the situation. Every time you talk to them, they always have comments like this “did you see he/she said or posted this?” These friends tend to be the ones who love to read about the drama unfold on social media. They give you the information you need in hopes for something juicy to unfold. You may need to distance yourself at this time from these friends. Make sure you tell them that this issue is personal and you will not discuss with them. If you feed information to this person, most of the time it goes right back to your ex anyway.
4. Journal. We all have our own version of the story or events, sometimes our story maybe better left untold. When you find yourself needing to vent or speak your mind, grab a pen and paper and write! The best part of writing in a journal, there is no digital copy, no chance of hitting send and or having to delete. I will talk about effective journaling down the road, but writing daily is a great way to gauge how you are recovering and what you still need to work on.
5. Join a group. The first few months, I was pretty lost. I downloaded the Meetup App on my phone and found a few groups that met up locally for walks and or volunteer work. It was a good time to meet and make some new friends that I didn’t have a mutual friendship from the marriage. If you hate being alone at this point in your separation or divorce, I highly suggest you trying to find a meetup group with your interest!
6. Be anonymous. Sometimes it is great to join an online community to help heal. But one thing you need to remember first is most sites once you post that you may not be able to delete. If you post something personal or vulgar towards your ex and attach your name, it will become searchable. With the power of Google, you can just type in someone’s name and you are able to find just about anything they have ever wrote to include on social media. Many sites ask you to log in using your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. You may not be on your social media pages, but on these sites it uses your social media pages to identify the writer.
IF YOU ARE IN DIRE NEED OF HELP, I WAS LIKE YOU AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
IF YOU ARE READING AND SUICIDE IS IN YOUR MIND PLEASE CALL:
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
We will make it! Talk to you all next week!
Jason Pilarski
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