What I am going to blog about today is is the vast difference between the people who appear to actually CHOSE voluntarily the life of a victim, and those people who tell me their stories in equal numbers of a life full of success happiness and joy. They do this by changing, leaving and refusing to let their past or present situation define them, or stop them from living the life of full potential each of us possess. I think about this often as I talk to divorcees and when I listen to friends confide in me their life stories. What is the valley of difference? What made me after years of unhappiness take 7 secs decision to change my life for the better? What made me on a whim and pray start DreamsRecycled when quite frankly I have zero experience in the website arena? Why when clearly after my divorce, when I was screwed out of everything owed to me pretty much did I gamble everything I had on this business? Maybe because other options were limited but mostly I believe because I refuse to be anyone victim.
I read an article not long ago that practically all the very, very successful self made people suffered some kind of childhood adversity, death of a parent, sibling, illness, some kind of life altering struggle where at a young age they were through circumstances forced to deal with change, adapt and move on. If this is true maybe there is something to the theory that your childhood experiences define the person you can become to a certain extent. Maybe these set of people also excel because they have no fear , no fear of worst case scenario as they know first hand they have already lived through this, and survived.
What about the people though who I know like my friend who chooses abuse? Are they actual victims or grievance hustlers? Because it is a choice, I hear from a lot of women who want to leave situations but practical reasons like money force them to stay, but what if someone stays through choice alone, doesn’t this make them a grievance hustler someone who actually somehow enjoys this dynamic, gets some kind of perverse pleasure from being in situations with people who don’t love them, as we all know abuse is not love. Maybe though these type of people suffer from some kind of genetic wiring or actual inability to deal with change, maybe they are fearful in it’s self of real love, or success, or wealth or of happiness and have a serious case of better the devil we know than even the angel we don’t.
I am torn about what advise or how to encourage and help these people who contact me, I want to say to them, are you even help-able? Do you really want to change? Do you want a better life and to stop being the victim? Are you willing to hurt more on the short term to gain so much more in the long term? Or….are you addicted to being someone victim, to being submissive to someone abusive, to being the same? Do you even some how use your victim status to gain from other people around you?
It took me a long time to get to the point I am at now where I feel like, every human has the ability to HELP themselves at any given time, someone can take 7 secs to make decisions that forever change their own life in the positive. However only a lesser number of people can be helped by others advise guidance and knowledge. It is a very difficult line to tread between the two. I will even go so far as to say some people relish the attention given to them when they play the victim, the worse type of person will even go as far as to use their victimization to then take advantage of other people and their good will towards them, those people actions are mostly unforgivable and those people definitely can’t be helped.
So whats the answer? I am not really sure, I think we can all only do what we can do for others, be kind, try and help, try not to be taken advantage of as the helper. As the victim, if you really are the victim of any situation, by far the best thing you can do is channel your energy into doing something positive , making lemonade out of lemons as my website tries to do. If you need help ask for it, lean on people, take a leap of faith to change the situation you are in, forgive those who did you wrong, yet walk away and never look back. Realize pain is always involved in change , you can’t get anywhere in life with out work and set backs, but every one once making a choice can get anywhere they want to go I believe.
I read these incredible people stories weekly, the victims who triumph, there is no more favorite type of person I come across, than the survivors, the triumphant, the victorious ones, how much sweeter that victory is when fought so very hard for and achieved after such adverse circumstances. I hear in these peoples words, strength, resilience, even when like in a lot of divorces one person constantly does despicable things to the other person, I see these single moms struggle yet win, I see the dads finally regain some custody to their children. People are capable of doing horrible things to one another, but the fact is you can cave in from this or conquer it. These survivors are the people who change the world, who find happiness and generally who then go on to encourage more victims to do the same, I know which one I would rather be. I will leave you with this thought, the same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg, I’ts not about the circumstances, but rather what you are made of.
Be a man or a mouse?
A victim or victorious?
Be careful what path you choose, because some paths take you to a place you can never find you way back from.