When we are blindsided by a separation or even if you knew it was coming for a while, there is always a big dilemma we face. Where to go? What do we do now? Is there really help out there? Anyone with an injury or illness can go to the Emergency Room and seek care. What about those of us who find ourselves in a new situation where we don’t have any physical injuries or illness that we can get immediate help for? One of the top statistics for suicide in men is divorce. This is an alarming number considering that almost 50% of Americans are divorced at some point in their lives.
I know firsthand the risks of suicide from separation because I was almost a statistic myself on the first night of being separated. Just that night before, I was in my warm bed reading to my four children a book before I tucked them into bed. The next night I found myself alone in my car at 2 am thinking I had nowhere to go. When you are faced in a situation so stressful we tend not to make rational decisions. At 2 am that night, I wasn’t thinking about court, I wasn’t thinking about fighting for custody, I didn’t care about anything in the future, and I could only think about my pain at that moment. I used Twitter as my medium to let the world know what I was doing and feeling at that moment. By 4 am I had family, friends, and strangers from all over the world trying to locate me by my tweets. I was found by the police and rushed to the hospital where I stayed for 7 days.
Here I was a 35 year old man, college educated, worked in professional sports, was in the United States Army for 8 years, spent 3 years in Iraq fighting in war, and all those years I was always able to keep things together. After all that, it was the day my marriage broke after 13 years that finally caused me to lose control. That few hours caused major issues in my life, mentally, the way people viewed me, court and custody battles, but at that moment you only care about making the pain stop.
One of my goals with writing about “9-1-1…It Is My Emergency” is to help those who are faced at that moment like I had at 2 am that night and to get out of that. In addition maybe you survived a suicide attempt and I will be writing about coming back from that. I always had a strong support system from my family but that night I didn’t want to burden and felt ashamed. Looking back at the situation of course I should have handled it much differently, but I can’t change the past and had to get through the mess I created.
Most of the quick tips below will be covered in depth in my future writings, but here are some of the basics that I felt are the most important to think about when you having a divorce/separation emergency.
IF YOU ARE READING AND SUICIDE IS IN YOUR MIND PLEASE CALL:
1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
No matter the time of day or night, call a friend or family member. Don’t feel bad that you may have to wake them up, because at the end of the day they could be saving your life!
If you can, try not to be alone. Even if it is taking a walk in the park around others, being alone right after separation can cause anxiety or a panic attack.
Buy a notebook; write down your feelings at that moment. Even if nobody ever reads, it is always good to get your emotions out and not let it bottle up. Also a notebook and journaling daily can show you that you are indeed making improvements.
If you do feel vulnerable always let someone know where you are at or going. It sounds like something you would ask your teen to do, but it is good to let others who care for you know that you are alright.
STAY OFF SOCAIL MEDIA! Your feelings are hurt, your ex maybe using social media to blast you. DEACTIVATE NOW! Most exes are looking for retaliation via social media. They want you to hurt, deactivating was very hard for me, but it was very rewarding to do so. Even if you block your ex or their family we tend to post stuff at very emotional states that can be used against us still because let’s face it our friends like to fuel the fire and our posts always make it back to the ex. If you have stuff to say, use a journal or go online anonymously like on https://www.dreamsrecycled.com/.
Take care everyone; we will make it through it together!
By: Jason Pilarski
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