30 Dates in 10 days!

Having any relationship end or getting a divorce starts a chain reaction of many changes , many adjustments and many ” news”. By far the oddest new has been reentering the dating world. The last time I dated I was 20 I was clueless about relationships and even worse, clueless about myself. It never was  thought out or logical I just floated from date to date, I think until somehow I ended up engaged to be married. Dating as an adult is an entirely different story, firstly you have to decide how are you going to date. Are you going to wait for Mr. Right to bump his shopping cart into you and declare his lust for you over the red cabbage? Are you going to let your friends and family set you up with people? (this options scares me )? Or like me mostly due to circumstance I chose to try online dating. I had no preconceived ideas, so I set up my online profile, downloaded a few photos and let the online dating experiment begin.
I woke up in the morning to literally hundreds of messages, I now realize so many people are on those sites for so long, that they can find the fresh meat easily within the search tools. I initially spent time reading each and every message, to both be polite and for entertainment purposes. I found people are far more forward hiding behind their keyboards, than they would ever dare be in person. After a couple weeks or so on there I felt overwhelmed, so I started to think of it almost as a business deal. I eliminated all the suitors who where too young, too old, too crazy, too sexual,  all the people who I wasn’t obviously attracted to also. I was left with about 30 possibilities, men in the correct age who had left normal messages and seemed like they may be safe to meet in a public day time setting. Then I set about giving them dating appointments, almost like my own private speed dating, I told them all I would meet them for coffee but I only had a few minutes (easy escape).
I met with a news anchor, couple lawyers, a gastroenterology, marine, salesman, banker, CEO, realtor, stunt man, and a plethora of other business type men, that I’m not sure what they did exactly. Statistically only about 50% looked anything like their photos they  often showed up looking older, balder, larger or in one case much thinner, and often shorter than they proclaimed, which as I am 5.8 but always wear heels they can’t fake with me. These are the highlights or as I like to think of it as the “truth is stranger than fiction crowd”.
Date number 3 consisted of a man we will call him Gary, at first appearing very normal, attractive nice great smile. However after the first 5 min of polite greetings he lent over the table and with his face far too close to me (personal space please) he asked me if I would guess how many times he had “peed” today and yes he used the word “peed” in the first 6 mins of meeting him. I had no clue what to say which was OK as he seemed uninterested in my response and launched into a 35 min dissertation on Dr. Oz and urination output. Luckily my friend Dora was my wing girl and rescued me with an emergency call. I’m still not really sure what he was saying, but I am 100% positive that is not a first date or meeting conversation to have. Men take note.
Date number 6 honestly an extremely good looking man, unbelievably fit like a grown up Abercrombie model. He seemed promising, educated, nice, but then he killed any attraction I could have ever had with him by talking the entire time about himself he droned on.. I…I…I….I… and then to add insult to the self absorption he had the nerve to ask me if we could go back to his house for sex, it was 11 am … wow… my answer apparently shocked him,  the word no he hadn’t heard before he said… even worse.
Date number 13 a very intelligent interesting successful businessman who sealed his fate by telling me, that he had cheated on his wife the entire time he was married, but it was his wife’s fault as she wasn’t attractive enough for him, yikes I was so tempted to accidentally spill coffee over him in solidarity of his no doubt long suffering  ex wife.
Date number 20 the man who must have swallowed some kind of dating advise book. He had a very odd way of asking me a question (that partly is good dating etiquette act interested in the other person ). However after EVERY question I answered  he asked “so how does that make you feel ?”so example… Does your family live close to you? my answer “yes ” his bizarre follow up question “how does that make you feel ?” hhhmmm after the first 3 times he said it I started to literally think that my friends had set me up and I was being pranked. “So how does that make you feel” ? I asked him joking in return…he was not amused, and I left.
Date number 22 probably the most clinical of all the dates I was questioned extensively, about my baby making body parts, if they still worked after my divorce, could he see pictures of my children, can I have more children, even at my age ? RUDE and after assuring him that I did not desire to have any more children, his answer was “well what’s the point of this date then?” I wasn’t aware that I was an incubator, I thought I was a person who knew my worth doesn’t lie in my womb. It did give my girl friends a good laugh though afterwards.
Date 28 I saved this for last because it really is the most bizarre, a very successful CFO of a very large company, invited me to lunch which actually broke a rule of mine but I went anyway, not so easy to escape lunch… All seemed normal ish a few too many references to us being somewhere together in the future comments like “when I take you to Tahoe”.. “when we are in Geneva ” seemed presumptuous but I was willing to let it go, he seemed sweet, educated, interesting, well traveled had a lot of the qualities I tend to like. Right before we left lunch he gave me a far, far too expensive gift with a note that said ” to the beginning of our happy life “. Now as much as I do like gift’s I like gifts that are thoughtful and appropriate for the occasion. His gift just made me very uncomfortable , so as we walked to the cars after lunch I became alarmed, when he informed me that he had one more gift for me in his Bentley. That to me is a red flag, I was by now even in daylight not going anywhere near his car with him, safety first . I politely declined any more gifts and tried unsuccessfully to give him back the lunch time gift, but he just laughed at my nervousness. Saying” look it’s fine I will take a photo of it and text it to you”. As I got in my car the text arrived a photo or something that I couldn’t quite tell what it was, a ridged metal bar with two cuffs at each end.. his follow up text said… “leg spreaders” now this was before 50 shades I rapidly googled it and well it definitely is the strangest gift or date I have ever been on. I would say he disappeared after that, but not before flooding me with other extravagant gifts culminating in him sending me a 20 page sex slave contract…at which point I informed him I had met the love of my life and it wasn’t him. The contract he sent me though proved to be highly educational for me and my friends as we spent quite a few evenings reading it and educating ourselves on S&M which came in handy when a year later 50 shades came out.
The most interesting part of the experiment was out of 30 men I met over that 10 days, 29 of them asked me to go out again, the one person who I thought was probably the most normal was the only one who didn’t ask me out again, I can only presume because he had better social skills that made him realize I wasn’t interested.
In case you are wondering, no I never dated any of them again although one of them became a friend of mine so it was an interesting experiment and I made a friend…I don’t think I will repeat that again though, I’m going to  wait for divine intervention or a hot guy in the produce section will work too, as long as he’s not buying rhubarb I despise rhubarb.
Tiffany Beverlin
CEO/Founder DreamsRecycled.com
tiffany@dreamsrecycled.com

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2 Comments

  1. Nicole Jackson Jones

    I did the same thing you did, but with better results. I hope you don’t mind me pointing out a couple of observations. You are quick to point out the problems with the men you went out with, but like most of my friends who are also quick to make choices based on specific criteria, perhaps your criteria is too picky? What I mean is there might have been a great guy you passed on that wasn’t as well educated, or not quite tall enough, or had less hair, or not the greatest job. If you gave those guys a chance that could be where your eyes would start opening to a different “normal” than what you are used to. By doing this, I met a wonderful man who was 5’8″, (I’m 5’10”,) who made me laugh and was so sweet, he wasn’t right for me for other reasons but his height wasn’t an issue any longer for me. I dated men who I might not have ever considered before but started to see the bigger picture of how wonderful all men can be. This overall great attitude I had seemed to illuminate and then I met a “perfect” man. A man who I think may be an alien he is so obnoxiously perfect by almost all womens standards. All of my friends are blown away that this guy even existed here in Los Angeles. I met him over 2 years ago and we have been married for over a year now. He is well extremely kind, I hardly ever hear him say anything negative, a man of his word, thoughtful, educated, successful, fun, funny, tall, gorgeous, it’s almost freaky how obnoxiously awesome he is. His only problem in dating after his divorce was women would freak out when they met him acting like they just found water in the desert and would become almost desperate or crazy to keep him. The reason he fell for me was that I had learned through all of my experiences with men that maybe weren’t on paper “perfect” for me, just might make me the happiest so I didn’t care if this “perfect” guy was or wasn’t the one. I could see all he had to offer, but I wasn’t sweating it. I genuinely enjoyed his time as though he was anyone else I knew without an agenda. He said my lack of desperation was very attractive to him. I am not saying you were desperate, quite the opposite it seems, I am just pointing out that women sometimes can smell of desperation without meaning to be simply because they think the right man out there is such a rare possibility. And last one other thing, enjoy this time of being alone. A woman who has found happiness in her alone time is another wonderful sexy trait that is attractive to quality men. Just food for thought. Love your site!

    • dreamsrecycled

      Thank you so much for your comments I do always love to hear stories of a happy ending, new beginnings 🙂 I in hindsight realize I wasn’t ready to date and although not desperate lol, I think I was totally unprepared to date in 2012 way when the last dates I had been on where in 1990…yikes a lot has happened in a those decades. Your story highlights that we are all constantly trying to learn grow and find happiness, I personally applaud you for getting there, and of course wish for endless future happiness.

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