I have noticed a lot about children mine and others throughout my divorce. I have seen how resilient they are how intuitive they can be and how all children’s number one need in life isn’t food or shelter but LOVE.

I have always been good with children they have often gravitated towards me, I have taught Sunday School to 3-9 year olds, taught bible vacation school, been a girl scout leader and volunteered in my own children’s classes more times than I can count. Even before my divorce I noticed how the children who are loved you can spot a mile off. The children who feel unloved are often the children who act out, don’t listen and have an inner anger you see. I naively for a while thought perhaps children needed two parents who love them in a stable marriage, but through teaching and observing other children I quickly realized all children actually need to be happy is one person in their life who makes them feel like they are loved unconditionally. It can be a mom, a dad, a grandmother, an aunt, if kids feel they have someone who cares and they can rely on at ALL times they seem to flourish, against sometimes all odds even. The same applies in reverse children can have two married parents who for whatever reason they feel neglected emotionally by them both and have long term issues from it.

How does this apply to divorce, well due to the parents separation the parents even though having two parents can often feel more like a one parent family, one parent often gets limited visitation and becomes more of a secondary parental figure. I remember how when I told my children of my impending divorce all they really wanted to know is if they would still live with me and still see their father somehow too. They wanted to know I would still be their primary parent, as I had been as a stay at home mother. I worked very hard to make sure they transitioned into spending alone time with their dad which a lot of children really rarely do until divorce occurs.

Being divorced makes you an oddly single parent, I only parent singularly I have my children the majority of the time, they also though have another single parent their father, who when he has them parents singularly. It really is an odd dynamic, and an adjustment for everyone, however the theory still rings true. Whether a child has one loving parent, two loving parents or even four loving parents if both remarry they will be ok, they will adjust, they will understand more than we like to give them credit for and they will be ok no better than ok actually. I cringe when I hear people say your child is or I was a “product of divorce” I find this notion nonsense. I know many many amazingly well adjusted successful happy people who parents got divorced, and I also know very unhappy, unwell, unsuccessful people who’s parents are still together. My children and the millions of other children of divorce every year are a product of how much love and attention they receive and the atmosphere they are raised in, so divorce kindly, treat people well, work on your own happiness so you can be the best, the most loving parent you can be, all children want it two healthy happy loving parents even separately this still is all they need.

Tiffany Beverlin