You are no longer Mrs. What’s-His-Name. What is your identity now? Have you kept the name or did you decide to change it? What are you doing to develop a new identity, to bring out the real you?
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Is it the same old person? Do you need a new wardrobe, but you don’t have much money? Find a consignment shop or thrift shop and look for two or three new pieces of clothing to perk up your wardrobe. You’d be amazed at what you can find at Goodwill – a whole bagful of items for just a few dollars.
How long have you had the same hairdo? Have fun creating a new you. You don’t have to make a dramatic change. Cut it shorter. Grow it longer. Change the color. Tie it back. See what works for you.
Do you need to take off a few excess pounds? It’s simpler than you think: Just eat less and exercise more. Make sure you exercise at least three times a week. The more you exercise, the better you will feel, and don’t say you’re too tired to exercise. Exercising will give you more energy, and with more energy you will better cope with whatever life throws at you.
Where are you living? In the same house with the same memories? Think about selling the house and moving on. It’s time to create new memories. Did you move out of the house? Do you like where you are or is it only temporary until you can find something else? If it is temporary, start looking, exploring the neighborhood or other neighborhoods.
Do you feel good about yourself? Whatever you do, do not think about dating; do not jump into a relationship until you develop your self-worth and a sense of independence! Take some time to work on developing these because it doesn’t happen overnight. I decided to give myself a year to work on my self-worth and independence and I’m so glad I did!
Join a divorce support group. You will find others who are going through what you’re going through. I joined a support group and made three new lifetime friends. Over the years, we have moved on and become more independent and self-reliant. We live in three different cities now, but we still keep in touch with each other. Two of us have re-married and one has a significant other. We’ve all come a long way and are so different from the women we were when we were going through divorce.
Where do you want to be five years from now? It’s time to start thinking about that. Often, after divorce, you are in a survival mode, taking one day at a time, unable or afraid to think about tomorrow. Think backwards from five-years-from-now to today. Do you need to go back to school? Change your career? Move to a new town? You have ended a chapter of your life and started a fresh new chapter. What would you like to accomplish in this chapter? Start with a small step and keep moving toward your goal.
Now that you’re divorced, who are you?
Look in the mirror again. Look at The New You! Tell that person in the mirror: I am unique. There is only one me. I deserve to be treated with respect, loyalty, honesty, and love. That’s who I am! I am special.
Marilyn Frazer
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